


before: girl meets bmw

by disneysfolklore



Category: Boy Meets World, Girl Meets World
Genre: Characters watch the show, Gen, Girl Meets Boy Meets World, Watching the Show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:34:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22037899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disneysfolklore/pseuds/disneysfolklore
Summary: What if the Girl Meets World characters watched all of the Boy Meets World episodes?
Relationships: Cory Matthews & Eric Matthews, Cory Matthews & Josh Matthews, Cory Matthews & Riley Matthews, Cory Matthews & Shawn Hunter, Eric Matthews & Josh Matthews, Jack Hunter & Shawn Hunter, Katy Hart & Maya Hart, Katy Hart/Shawn Hunter, Maya Hart & Riley Matthews, Maya Hart & Shawn Hunter, Riley Matthews & Topanga Lawrence-Matthews, Topanga Lawrence-Matthews/Cory Matthews
Comments: 137
Kudos: 186





	1. The Theater (Introduction)

**This chapter is a bit short since it's more of an introduction chapter. I apologize for the crappy explanation in this chapter as to how the characters watching BMW works. Check out my companion book, After, to see the BMW characters reacting to GMW. I won’t be doing all of the episodes. I’ll probably do most, but some will be omitted due to unimportance.**

**If anyone is interested in co-writing with me, please let me know in the comments! I’d be happy to have someone help me since there are so many episodes.** **  
** **  
** **Thank you to Daisy on AO3 for inspiring me to write this!** **  
**   
...   
  
Shawn Hunter flipped through his mail. The usual bills and credit card offers were in the stack. One envelope in particular stuck out.   
  
"Meets World Theaters would like to invite you and your family to watch a free movie with snacks and drinks provided. Blah, blah, blah," Shawn read aloud. "What a scam. Who would buy this?"   
  
Cory burst through the door. "Shawnie! Guess what I got in the mail!"   
  
"An invitation to see some movie at Meets World Theaters for free?"    
  
"Oh, hey, you got one too!" The curly-haired man pointed to his friend's envelope. "Before you tell me it's a scam, this is legit. They have a website, Yelp reviews, and everything. We need to go tomorrow since it already expires after that. Weird."   
  
"You're gonna drag me there, aren't you?" Shawn groaned. He didn't wish to be murdered by someone trying to prey on gullible people.   
  
"Of course I am!"    
  
The two friends went to Cory's apartment where their wives and daughters were to tell them the news.   
  
Topanga took a sip of her tea. "I think it's a great idea. What movie did you guys want to see?"   
  
"Maybe the new Stars Wars since this wimp won't watch any horror movies." Maya playfully glared at Riley.   
  
"I like that idea," Katy nodded. She turned her attention to Shawn. "How did they even know that we're three people?"   
  
Shawn shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe it's just the standard. Cory got three tickets too."   
  
...   
  
The Hunters and Matthews (minus Auggie because he already saw the new Star Wars movie with Ava and Doy) entered the movie theater. Riley and Maya waved at Farkle, his dad, and Isadora when they saw them. "Hey, Farkle, Isadora, Mr. Minkus!"   
  
"Ladies!" Farkle shouted back while walking closer to them. "Did you two get a coupon too?"   
  
Riley grinned and folded her hands. "Yep! Let me guess, you're also seeing Star Wars like us?"    
  
"Is there any other movie worth seeing?" Smackle joked.   
  
Before anyone could ask why Isadora was with Farkle and Stuart, Farkle explained, "Mom couldn't make it, so we gave our extra ticket to Smackle."   
  
"Hey, look! It's Lucas and Zay. They're probably seeing the same movie as us," Cory pointed out, noticing their Yoda and Darth Vader shirts.   
  
The long line continued to move as more and more people got their tickets. Jack, Rachel, Eric, Josh, Amy, Alan, Morgan, Angela, Turner, and Feeny also arrived at different times to the group's shock.   
  
Shawn tapped his best friend on the shoulder. "Uh, Cor? Isn't it weird that everyone we know got free tickets? Including the ones that live in another state."   
  
"I don't see anything weird about that, Shawnie," Cory waved it off as he went up to the ticket booth.   
  
"Hi, we received this free ticket in the mail and would like to see The Rise of Skywalker...all nineteen of us. Are there enough seats?"   
  
The old man behind the counter nodded. "Just enough, yes, but may I suggest a different movie as your seats would be scattered in the Star Wars theater? It's called Boy Meets World."   
  
"What's it about?" Topanga questioned. She had never heard of the movie before, and it wasn't on the board that listed all of the available showings.   
  
"It's a special movie, you see, made by scientists. Once you enter the room, they scan your memories to form a movie or TV show of sorts. The man that invented this type of movie made it so he could show his kids what his life was like when he was their age. I could get you nineteen seats all together since it would be a private showing."   
  
"That sounds fun, but―" Stuart started.   
  
"There's no way I'm passing up the opportunity to see your guys' childhood," Maya said. The kids nodded their heads in agreement.   
  
Katy jumped in, "Before I get on board to this, my memories wouldn't be added since I didn't grow up with them, right?"   
  
"Correct. This technology finds the best way to fit all of your memories together, so yours and the kids' wouldn't be in the movie."   
  
Cory looked around the group that wore excited expressions. "Let's go!"


	2. Pilot (1x01)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, first of all, thank you to Lena (lenasdarlings on FFnet)! We are now collaborating on this story together. She also helped me write 25 days of christmas. She's such an amazing person + writer! <3
> 
> Secondly, this story will probably get better as it goes on. Just letting you know lol
> 
> Thirdly and lastly, thank you to everyone who's read this book! I appreciate every single one of you. :)

The kids and adults sat in their seats. While the kids were elated at the thought of seeing their young parents, most of the adults were a little nervous to show how they were as children. They did do some pretty stupid stuff after all.  
**  
"Good morning, Mr. Feeny," said Cory. He was standing at a vending machine.**

Riley's eyes widened at the sight of her dad that looked even younger than her. It was an unusual sight for her.

**George glanced at the boy. "Morning, Mr. Matthews. A candy bar? Doesn't your mother feed you a proper breakfast?"**

**"Oh yeah, she does. But I gotta get the taste of shredded wheat out of my mouth."**

"Hey!" Amy exclaimed at her son, offended years later.

"Shhh," Shawn replied.

**"Y'know, you're not doing your body any favors loading up on junk like that." The man pointed at the candy bar.**

**"Oh, thanks, Mr. Feeny. And please enjoy that high-vitamin astronaut drink you're sucking down."**

The six teenagers were surprised to see their teacher talking back to his own teacher. Riley thought that her dad and Mr. Feeny always got along.

**"There's no gravity in space, Mr. Matthews, therefore astronauts suck up. Learn from them," Mr. Feeny responded. They both walked away from each other.**

"Hey, hey, hey!" Shawn exclaimed, watching in rapture as a young boy appeared on the screen.

**Shawn and another boy that the kids watching didn't know were sitting at the lunch table. "He's a teacher, man. Keep ragging on him, he's gonna make your whole sixth grade year miserable."**

**"I'm gonna be miserable anyhow, this way I'm taking him with me."**

Maya smirked. "I never thought I'd see the day where I agreed with you, Matthews."

Cory ignored her and turned to his former teacher. "I'm sorry for how I treated you back then. I just saw you as a boring, stuffy teacher."

"That conversation," Mr. Feeny began with an eye roll, "— between us is the last thing you have to apologize for, Cory. You have done worse stuff."

"There's more?" an amused Maya asked, peering across the aisle to Mr. Feeny. Cory shook his head no and Feeny vehemently shook like a bobble head.

**Shawn looked over to George's table to see an older woman. "Hey, who's that?"**

**"I think she's new," the other boy at the table replied.**

**"She must be new, she's talking to Feeny."**

George looked over at Shawn with a smile on his face and shook his head. Their relationship had definitely evolved over the years in a good way.

**The other boy asked Cory, "Okay, so how late did you stay up last night?"**

**"Monologue."**

**"Monologue, first guest," the unknown friend continued.**

**Shawn jumped in, "Monologue, first guest, bad sketch."**

**"Monologue, first guest, bad sketch, funny zoo animal."**

**"Monologue, first guest, bad sketch, funny zoo animal...Steve Lawrence!"  
**

Riley furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "What are you guys talking about? And who's that kid?"

Cory answered, "We were talking about Saturday Night Live. That's...hey, Shawnie, what was that kid's name again?"

"Nicolas. We were friends with him, but he mysteriously disappeared. Now that I think about it, we had a lot of friends that disappeared. And they all sat in that chair." Shawn and Cory looked at each other with wide eyes at their sudden realization. "Good thing I never sat in that chair."

**"Whoa!" Cory exclaimed.**

**"Steve Lawrence!"**

**The bell rang and the kids got up from their seats. "And there's the bell."**

**"Four hours 'til lunch."**

**The screen went dark and a new scene appeared. A girl was lying on the desk with her eyes closed. Mr. Feeny circled around the desk.**

**"She's dead, Mr. Bornihay. Pick up the knife and kill yourself," George commanded.**

**"Come on, Mr. Feeny, you and I both know she's not really dead. May I please stab her a few times just to make sure?" Nicolas asked.**

**The girl sat up, getting in the boy's face. "Hey! You touch me with that knife, you better kill me the first time."**

**"Mr. Feeny..." Nicolas called in a terrified voice.**

**George gently grabbed the girl's shoulders. "All right, all right..."**

**The screen's focus was now on Shawn and Cory sitting at their desks. "Cory," Shawn whispered.**

**"Huh?" Cory asked with his hand cupped around his ear.**

**Shawn leaned in farther and quietly asked, "What's the score?"**

**"Bottom of the third, two out, Dykstra's on second, Kruk's on first, three and two to Dalton." Mr. Feeny's hand came into the shot, pulling Cory's hand away from his ear. It revealed an earbud.**

**"What's this, Mr. Matthews?"**

**Cory cupped his ear again with his hand. "Huh? What'd you say, Mr. Feeny? You took my hearing aid."**

Riley gaped at the past version of her father. "You were listening to a baseball game in class and LIED, saying it was your hearing aid?"

"I have so much more respect for you," Maya said joyfully.

**Feeny put the earphone in his ear and monotonously recited what was happening, "Smoltz delivers, Dalton swings. Oh, he got a piece of that one. It's a long drive, deep to center. Otis Nixon back, back to the warning track, climbs up the wall, and..." He turned off the radio.**

**Cory put his hand over his face. "Oh!"  
**

"Did you really think he was going to announce what was happening in the game while class was still in session?" Lucas asked his teacher.

"I was hoping," Cory shrugged.

**"Mr. Matthews, Romeo and Juliet is Shakespeare's ultimate testament of love between a man and a woman."**

**Nicolas could be heard screaming, "Help! Help! Mr. Feeny! Help!" The camera moved to Nicolas. The female student from earlier was on top off him in hopes of stabbing him. "Help! Help!"**

**Feeny ran over to fix the situation. "Ms. Kincaid, thank you! Thank you for that, uh, vigorous interpretation." He set the knife down. "Mr. Matthews, you do not listen to the ballgame in the middle of my class."  
**

Maya had a weirded out look on her face. "Is it just me or is he madder at you for listening to a baseball game than at that girl trying to stab her classmate?"

"That's just how my life works."

"Oh, it was plastic knife, Cory," Feeny disputed.

**Cory stood up. "Mr. Feeny, who cares about some guy who killed himself over some dumb girl?"**

**George walked closer to his student. "The tragedy here, Mr. Matthews, is not about a dumb girl or the boy who kills himself because of her. It's about the all-consuming power of love and the inevitability of its influence on each of our lives."**

**"Are you aware that I'm only eleven years old?"**

**"Are you aware that you have detention Friday afternoon?"**

**"No, actually I did not know that."**

**The scene faded to a bedroom. Eric was on the phone, walking slowly. "You will? Okay, great. Yeah, me too. All righty. Okay. Bye." He hung up the phone and jumped up. "Yes!"  
**

"You were talking to a girl?" Josh guessed.

Cory nodded. "Of course he was talking to a girl."

**Cory entered the bedroom in excitement. "Yes! Phillies won, 8-3!" he told his brother.**

**"I'm going out with Heather Ralston!" They high-fived each other.**

**"You know what that means?"**

**"It means every guy in the tenth grade wants to be me." He rubbed his hands together and fell onto the bed.**

**"It means if they win Friday night, that they're in the playoffs!"**

**Eric smiled at his brother. "Look, Cory, we gotta talk about something."  
**

**Cory ignored Eric and paced away. "That makes the game we're going to the most important game of the year!"**

**"Look, Cory, my date with Heather's Friday."**

**"Now, I got a slight case of detention from Feeny, but I'll just meet you at the bus." He realized what his older brother just said and turned his head. "What?"**

**"It's the only night she was available."**

**"You're not going to the game? That's terrible."**

**Eric placed his hand on Cory's shoulder. "Actually, Cory, it, uh...it gets worse."**

**"She's going to the game with us?"**

**"You're really close!"  
**

Riley looked at her present-time father and uncle. She questioned her dad, "Didn't those games mean a lot to you? You talk about them all the time."

"They did." Cory glared at his older brother.

Eric smiled. "Sorry, Cor. You know how I was back then."

**"She and I are going to the game?" Cory guessed, knowing the real answer.**

**Eric stood up and walked away. "Come on, Cory. It's my first date with her. It's really important to me."**

**"But Eric, going to the Phillies game is like our special thing."**

**"Cory, I'm trying to get a special thing going with Heather. Now, look. You could be happy for me and accept this like a mature guy or you can..."**

**Eric was interrupted by Cory screaming, "DAD!" He ran off the tell his father what happened.**

The line received chuckles from most in the room, especially from Riley and Eric. 

**"Overreact," Eric finished.**

**The scene switched to the living room. Cory was running down the stairs. "Dad!"**

**"Just the kid I want to see," Amy said.**

**"Mom, we have a major problem." He walked over to his dad who was sitting on the couch.**

**"You have detention with Mr. Feeny," Amy revealed causing Cory to stop.**

**The curly-haired kid asked, without turning around, "How could you possibly know that?"**

Riley grinned. She already knew that she was like her dad in a lot of ways, and it felt nice to see him as a kid that felt the same things she did. 

**Amy stepped over to Cory and crossed her arms. "He stuck his head over the fence and told me while I was bringing in the groceries."**

**"I want to move."  
**

"Sadly, moving wouldn't help my situation," Riley commented.

Maya smirked. "It would help mine."

**Alan curiously stared at his son. "Why did you get detention?"**

**"You know, you're missing the bigger issue, Dad. You bought a house next to my teacher. I want to move. I want to move now. Get the guy with the gold jacket. I'll be in the car."**

**"Why did you get detention?" Mr. Matthews repeated.**

**Amy told her husband, "Apparently, he'd rather listen to the baseball game on the radio than try to understand the emotional content of Romeo and Juliet."**

**"Mom, I'm a kid! I don't understand the emotional content of Full House!"**

**Morgan, who was playing with her doll, raised her hand. "I do!"  
**

**"Besides, I don't know why you're dumping on me. I'm not the one who sold out my only brother for some girl," he said, mentioning Eric who had just come down the stairs.**

**Amy ran over to her other son. "Eric, she said yes!"**

**"Yep."**

**"Congratulations."**

**"You were in on this?" Cory asked in disbelief.**

**Eric leaned in closer to him. "Oh, come on, Cory, don't you think you're making a big deal about this game."**

**Cory walked past them. "I don't care about the game. I don't care about the tickets. I wouldn't take them if you offered them to me."**

**"Alright, look, I'll just take Heather somewhere else. Here, you want the tickets?" He displayed the tickets in front of Cory.**

**"Yes!"**

**Eric snatched them away. "Get real!" He went to the kitchen.**

**"Dad!"**

**"Cory, he paid for those tickets with his own money, he can take whoever he likes," Alan said.**

Joshua turned his attention to his dad. "Really? You weren't even a little upset that Eric tricked Cory into thinking he was going to get the tickets for a second?"

**"But I earned those tickets. I slept with him for eleven years!"**

**"Look, pal, when you're older you'll understand how your brother feels because girls will be important to you, too."**

**"Fine. My brother betrays me, my parents take his side...Fine, I don't have a friend in this house."**

Cory felt the looks of everyone on him. He crossed his arms. "I may have overreacted slightly."

"Slightly?" Lucas repeated.

**Morgan asked Cory, "Do you want me and Debbie to go to the baseball game with you?"**

**"Hey, go to the game with my sister and her doll. Great! Maybe during the seventh-inning stretch, I could run through the stadium in my old Spider-Man underwear," he mockingly agreed.**

**"Well, you don't have to dress up for me."  
**

Riley grinned at her young aunt's naivety. She was adorable when she was younger.  
**  
The scene faded once again to a new one. Cory, Shawn, and Nicolas were back at the cafeteria. Shawn was picking at his meat. "Well, mine's got fuzz."**

**"Mine's got lips," Cory replied.**

**Nicolas took out his lunch from his brown paper bag.**

**Shawn said to him, "Hey, bag man. Rough life being an only child, huh?"**

Maya tilted her head. "Aren't you an only child?"

"No, Jack's my half-brother, although he didn't live with us." Shawn motioned to where Jack was sitting.

"What?!" Riley and Maya shouted at the same time.

"How come you didn't tell me this? I'm your daughter," Maya pressed.

Shawn shrugged. "It just never came up."

Jack stared at his brother in shock. "Wait, you have a daughter? Man, I've missed a lot."

"Can we get back to the show?" Topanga asked in an upset tone. "We can discuss this later."

**"Yeah. Rougher life being an orphan, which is what I am as of last night," Cory nodded.**

**Nicolas unwrapped his food. "What happened?"**

**"I dumped my family and my family dumped me. It was mutual. They're keeping the house," he responded nonchalantly.**

**"Well, we're here for you, Cory," Shawn told his friend.**

"How ironic," Maya mused. The exact opposite would happen in the future. Shawn would end up practically an orphan and Cory would be there for Shawn.

**"Thanks. You're my new brothers. Hey, how about we go to the game Friday night?"**

**"I thought the game was sold out," Nicolas commented.**

**"It is, so we go down early. There's always guys with extra tickets."**

**Shawn pointed out with a smile, "Don't you have detention Friday?"**

**"Uh, don't worry about detention. I can handle Feeny. Feeny loves me."**

**"Feeny hates you."**

George shot Shawn a look. He grinned sheepishly in return.

**"Well, it's one of the two. We'll see who's right." Cory walked over to his teacher's table. "Mr. Feeny, may I sit down?"**

**"I'd rather you didn't," the man said.**

**Cory looked back at his friends and called out, "Hates me."**

**"Mr. Matthews, I spend 35 to 40 hours a week dealing with the perceived problems of whiny little people like yourself. Now, this is my lunch period, my respite from the fray. I spend four hours with you every morning and three hours with you every afternoon. Now for God's sake get out of my face." Cory had a look of terror on his face. "Evelyn!"**

**The woman saluted while going over to the table. "George."  
**

"Why would she salute? Who salutes?" Zay questioned. 

"Nobody," Cory responded, knowing what was to come in a future episode.

**"I saved a place for you."**

**"Oh, aren't you sweet? And who is this young man?"**

**"Uh, my name's Cory Matthews. Mr. Feeny's my teacher. He hates me.**

**"Now Cory, I'm sure that Mr. Feeny doesn't hate you."**

**George and Cory shared fake smiles before the scene changed. It was now nighttime and Amy was walking to a treehouse. She went up the ladder. "Oh, good. Caught you home. Housewarming gift. Chocolate pie with a side of barbequed chicken and corn on the cob. Now, I would've bought you a plant, but, hey, you're in a tree."  
**

**"Thanks, mom."**

**"Are you all right?"**

**"Of course I'm all right. I've been in this treehouse a million times."**

**"Never after dark," she evilly laughed as she closed the curtain.**

**"Cory!" called Morgan.**

**Cory said to himself, "I gotta build a moat around this place."**

**"Do you want Debbie to keep you company?"**

**"Why would I want your doll to keep me company?"**

**"In case you get scared."**

**"Morgan, I'm eleven years old. I don't get scared. And even if I did get scared and had to defend myself, my weapon of choice would not be a chick with a plastic head."**

**"Well you don't have to get so snippy." She sauntered off to go back inside.**

**Cory focused his attention on Feeny's house. "Hey, America's funniest home teacher."**

"No offense, Mr. Matthews, but you look stalkerish," Maya told him.

"I was there so he wouldn't technically be alone!" Cory defended.

"Still creepy."

**The screen went black. The group watched a scene in which Amy told Cory that he wasn't the only one that felt abandoned. Alan used to through the football with Cory after school, until he started doing it with his own friends.**

**The next scene showed Cory and Mr. Feeny sitting in a classroom  
**

" **You're not gonna talk to me at all, are you, Mr. Feeny? Because I've been sitting in this seat for 38 minutes and I've been very good and I think you should let me go. Look, and eleven-year-old boy cannot sit still this long. I'm gonna get up. I'm up. I'm dancing. I'm leaving. My hand is on the knob. The door is open. Fine. I'm in the hall!" Cory reenters the room. "Mr. Feeny, this stinks!"**

**"It's supposed to stink, Mr. Matthews. It's detention. You're being detained from whatever it is you'd rather be doing."**

**"Well, I think it's a cruel and unusual life-sucking torture."  
**

Maya and Zay peered at Cory. Zay commented, "You don't seem to think so when we get detention."

"I still do, but now I'm the teacher that's mad with power."  
**  
"You've captured the essence."**

**"Why do we have to stay here? Just because I don't want to hear about this love stuff? Because I know it only leads to no good, and I know in your heart you agree with me."**

**"What brings you that conclusion, Mr. Matthews?"**

**"'Cause you and I had dinner together last night."**

"That's a great way to bring it up," Shawn sarcastically said.

**"Really? I wasn't aware."**

**"I had chocolate pie and you had salad for two all by yourself."**

**"How did you know that?"**

**"'Cause I slept in my treehouse last night. You know why? 'Cause this love stuff has turned my whole family against me. And you're teaching us how it's worth killing yourself for when I know you don't really believe that, do you?"**

**George slammed down his pen. "Well...you shrewd little observer of the human condition. How blissful it must be for you to have lived so little and yet already reached your conclusions about the greatest wonder of the universe."  
**

**"Y - you know what, Mr. Feeny? Keep the radio."**

**"Shakespeare wrote plays and sonnets. The Greeks wrote tragedies and comedies. Robert Burns, Emily Dickinson, the Brownings examined the depths of human emotions. And do you know what each one of these poets, playwrights, and philosophers had in common, Mr. Matthews?"**

**"They all took your class?"**

**"Every one of them was older than eleven. You come into my classroom at the beginning of the year, and at the end, you go. And I really don't know if in the time we spent together I have taught you anything! Well, this afternoon, Mr. Matthews, you are going to learn something from me!" He pointed at Cory. "Do I have your attention?"**

**"Yes, sir," Cory quietly responded.**

**"I live on the other side of the fence from you, Cory. And it's impossible not to face in you're direction every once in a while and notice the people in the next yard. And through the years, I've got to know them. It is apparent that they are fine individuals, but their real strength comes from being a family. And do you know why they're a family, Cory? Because, at one time, a man and a woman realized that they loved each other and pursued the unlimited potential of what may come from that love. And here you are. There is no greater aspiration than to have love in our lives, Mr. Matthews. Romeo knew it and died for it. Others know it and prepare salads. And those who don't know it will sit in detention for the rest of their lives. This particular detention is over."  
**

Riley was wowed at seeing the first wise lesson Mr. Feeny had given her dad. She grew up hearing stories about the legendary Mr. Feeny but never saw him in action. She finally understood why her parents respected him so much.

**The next scene was of Cory telling Morgan and Alan that he was moving back in. Cory apologized to his dad for stopping the tradition of throwing around the football after school.**

**Once again, the screen showed a new image. It was of Cory sitting on the bed, playing video games. He had a fake gun pointed to the TV. "Die! Die! Die! Die!" He pointed to Eric who had just entered. "Die! Die!"**

Josh smiled sadly. While watching his brothers was great and all, he wished that he could have experienced all the moments with them.

**"You missed the puppy-looking thing in the corner."**

**"Die!"**

**"There's one we don't have to neuter," Eric said as he took off his jacket.**

**Cory put down the gun to talk to Eric. "Five to three. The Phillies are in the playoffs."**

**"Yeah, I heard."**

**"What do you mean you heard? You were there."  
**

**"I really wasn't paying that much attention to the game, Cory."**

**"Why not? It was a great game."**

**"It was not, however, a great date."**

**"You had a bad date?"**

**"No, I had a great date. Heather was beautiful. She knew what to say, she knew what to do. Unfortunately, her date spilled food, tripped over chairs, and had nothing interesting to say for nine innings."**

**"Eric, you're much too cool for some girl."**

**"News flash! I'm not cool. You don't know what you're talking about."**

**Cory grinned at the screen in front of him. "I finally see what you were talking about. You aren't cool. You're just my dimwit brother."**

**"Hey!" Eric shouted. "But you're right."**

**"Okay, you're not cool. And now you know better than to go to a game without your brother."**

**"You're right."**

**"I am?"**

**"Yeah, that's my first and last date with Heather. I never want to see her again."**

**"Good. You don't mean that."**

**"Yes, I do."**

**Cory handed Eric the phone. "Here."  
**

**"What's this?"  
**  
"A phone," Maya snorted.

**"Call her."**

**"Who?"**

**"'Who?' Heather! My nemesis! Call her!"**

**"Why?"**

**"'Cause you're sitting there, drooling and pathetic, and I know somewhere inside's my cool brother. And I'm not gonna get him back unless you call her."**

**"Look. I'm not calling her. I sat there all night and didn't say anything, what could I say now?"**

**"Take her to a movie. There, you're supposed to sit and not say anything. A movie's perfect for your current skill level."**

**"Why do you want me to call her?"**

**"I'm told love is worth it." Cory exited the bedroom and entered the living room. Morgan was currently having a tea party.**

**Cory stared at her. "Aren't you going to invite me to have tea with you? Morgan, I want you to know something. No matter how old I get, I'm always gonna be your big brother."  
**

**"Sugar?"**

**"And even if I ever – which I won't – get interested in girls..."  
**

"You'll never be interested in girls?" Topanga teased.

"I was eleven!"

**"Milk?"**

**"...and it seems like I don't care about you anymore..."**

**"Ketchup?"**

Maya turned to face Riley. "Does your whole family like putting ketchup in weird things?" she questioned, recalling Riley's habit of putting ketchup in her macaroni and cheese.

"Only some of us," Riley said with a grin.

**"...I still always want you to invite me to have tea with you."**

**Amy walked over to the mini table. "Morgan, honey, put your tea set away and brush your teeth. It's time to go to bed."**

**Morgan tugged at Cory's pink shirt. "Do I have to?"**

**"You're asking me?" She nodded and he turned to their mother. "How about if we just stay up and finish our tea?"**

**"You volunteering to put your sister to bed?"**

**"Yeah, I guess I am."**

**"Why?"**

**"'Cause I don't understand anything about my entire life."  
**

"I still don't," present Cory added.

 **The final scene was of Mr. Feeny revealing to Cory that the salad was for his sister instead of Evelyn, receiving laughs from the group watching.**  
  
Riley spoke up when the episode ended. "That was...interesting. Seeing you as kid was odd. When are we going to see mom?"

"I'm not sure. I think you're going to be very surprised when you do," her dad answered.

Farkle looked at his dad. "I can't wait to see you in this. You never really talked about your childhood much. Were you friends with Mr. Matthews and Mr. Hunter?"

"Not in the slightest," Stuart replied.

Everyone turned their attention back to the screen as the next "episode" was about to start.


	3. Cory's Alternative Friends (1x04)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I hope you enjoy this chapter. The next chapter will be Boys II Mensa.

" **In conclusion, some products we use everyday cause algae to grow in lakes…" a brunette said while pouring liquid into a giant beaker.**

"… **cutting off oxygen and disrupting the ecosystem," the blonde next to her continued while putting a fake fish in the beaker.**

" **So, what we've learned is that we must choose biodegradable products to help protect our environment." The blonde pulled out fake fish bones.**

" **Excellent report! Inspired visuals. Next team!" Feeny announced.**

**Cory and Shawn high-five before heading to the front of the classroom and pulling down a map. "How air pollution affects our everyday life."**

" **Excellent topic."**

Riley and Maya shared a look. Their dads were goofballs as kids. This report was bound to be a mess.

**The two boys stretched their metal pointers. Shawn slapped his stick on a random point on the map, only for it to be moved by Feeny. "Denver. Elevation: five thousand feet."**

**Cory did the same as Shawn. "Philadelphia. Lying low in the Delaware basin, 250 feet above sea level."**

Riley stifled a laugh at her dad and Uncle Shawn. It was nice to be smarter than one of her parents for once. "This is gonna be a fun few hours."

"Not for me," Cory responded while replaying every stupid thing he's ever done all at once.

" **Well researched."**

**Shawn once again pointed to a random spot on the map. This time George didn't correct him. "Denver. Clean crisp mountain air."**

" **Philadelphia. Polluted Industrial smog."**

" **Mile High Stadium: home of the Colorado Rockies."**

" **Veterans Stadium: home of the Philadelphia Phillies."**

"I was never a straight-A student or anything, but, wow, this is bad," Katy commented, sneaking a playful glance at her husband.

Shawn didn't bat an eye at her. Instead, he stared straight at the screen. "Oh, it gets worse." The tips of his ears were tinged slightly pink.

"But at least it was dramatic," Cory said to make their report look a little better.

" **Oh, here we go…" Feeny groaned.**

**Shawn walked to the teacher's desk. "The Rockies, a bogus expansion team, mind you, are averaging four more runs per game than anyone in the league… because of their clean air."**

" **Our theory is, if Philadelphia would clean up its smoggy air, the ball would slice through the atmosphere with a greater velocity," Cory explained, causing Mr. Feeny to shake his head.**

Feeny was staring at the screen, bringing his hand up to shield his eyes, shaking his head along with the Feeny on the screen.

" **Therefore the Phillies would score more runs."**

" **And win every home game. The end." The two boys closed their pointers and stared at Feeny. "So, how'd you like our report?"**

" **Stinks," George declared.**

" **Stinks!" Cory shouted to Shawn. "How'd you like my half?"**

"Equally as terrible," Riley guessed humorously.

" **Relax, Mr. Matthews, I blame myself."**

" **You do? Cool!" Cory and Shawn high-fived.**

" **I let you choose your own partner. An astounding lapse of judgment for someone of my experience. I am going to let you try again, but this time I'll choose the teams. Mr. Hunter, you'll work with Mr. Minkus."**

**Shawn and Stuart slapped their foreheads. "Oh, no."**

Farkle chuckled lightly at the reaction. "I guess you two really weren't friends."

"Well, I did care about your father to some degree," Shawn told him, earning an eye roll from Stuart. "Although most of the time I just thought he was weird, so I didn't talk to him."

"Sounds like you and me," Maya joked to Farkle.

" **And Mr. Matthews…"**

" **Yeah, I'll hook up with Mr. Sullivan."**

"Another friend that disappeared?" Riley assumed.

"Yep," Cory replied. Shawn's wide eyes met his before they both returned their gazes to the screen.

" **No, no. That's worse. You'll work with Miss Lawrence."**

" **Topanga?"**

Riley and Maya sat in their chairs intrigued and somewhat excited. They were eager to see the now successful mother and lawyer as a young, awkward student.

**She turned around at the mention of her name. "Give me your hand."**

**Cory looked at her in confusion. "Why?"**

" **I want to see if our energies converge." Cory placed his hand on hers.**

"Oh, wow," Riley blurted out. Her mom had mentioned being a "hippie" before, but she never quite knew what her mother meant.

" **Ooooooooh!" Shawn said mockingly while wiggling his fingers.**

Maya snickered at her dad's reaction. She noticed Topanga looking at her. "Oh, sorry, Mrs. Matthews...Cool hair by the way!"

The woman shrugged. "It's fine. That's what we're here for. To laugh at us when we were younger."

**Topanga turned away from Cory. "He's vibrationally acceptable."**

Topanga squirmed in her seat at just how odd she had been, reminding herself to just laugh it off.

" **Thanks," he told her as he walked to George's desk. "Uh, Mr. Feeny? May I approach the bench?"**

" **Objection, Mr. Matthews?"**

" **Can you be swayed on this?"**

" **I'm Gibraltar."**

" **Come on, Mr. Feeny. Topanga's, like, totally strange."**

Cory glanced over at his wife and grabbed her hand. She couldn't even feign offense. They both just smiled at the screen, the memories of their early days, though not always pleasant, were theirs.

" **Strange is in the eye of the beholder, Mr. Matthews. I, for example, have a young neighbor who sings along with his little sister's Barney records."**

**Cory stared at him, disturbed at the revelation. "You hear that?"**

An amused Shawn turned to Cory. The curly-haired man held up his other hand. "Don't you dare say a word."

Lucas grinned at his teacher. "Weird. I would've taken you as more of a Wiggles fan."

**The scene changed to the cafeteria. The girls from earlier were chatting in front of Cory.**

**The brunette asked, "Why would I want to invite him to my party?"**

" **What's wrong with him?" the blonde responded.**

" **He's gross. He's a total Brillo head." The blonde laughed before realizing that Cory was standing behind them. The girls awkwardly walked off.**

**Cory touched his hair curiously as he sat down at the lunch table. He observed himself in a spoon. "What do you think of my hair?"**

The audience (even Cory) laughed at his reaction to the comment. Topanga ruffled Cory's hair, chiming "Oh well, at least you still have your hair!" Cory smiled another goofy grin.

**Shawn turned to Cory. "Guys don't ask guys that question."**

" **Well…Would this qualify as a Brillo head?"**

" **Nah…" Shawn touched Cory's hair with both of his hands, "more like a Nerf head."**

" **You knew this and you didn't tell me?!"**

" **You got curly hair. Big deal. Can we move on now?"**

" **Sure, it's easy for you to talk. You got hair. I'm a Chia pet."**

"From one curly-headed guy to another, I love your hair," Zay told his teacher.

"Thank you, Zay." Cory replied, pointedly glancing over at Shawn who refused to take his eyes from the screen and had pure glee in his eyes.

**Topanga walked up to the table with a clipboard in her hands. "Cory. I got Jedidiah to drive me to your house after school."**

" **Who's Jedidiah?" Cory questioned.**

" **My father."**

" **Wait, you call your father 'Jedidiah'?"**

" **That's his name. What do you call your father?"**

"Did you not realize that was weird, Topanga?" Riley questioned her mom, putting an emphasis on her name.

"Honestly, no." She chuckled.

" **Well, like a lot of normal people, I refer to him as 'Dad'."**

" **Then how do you tell him apart from all the other dads?"**

"How do you tell your dad apart from all the Jedidiahs?" Maya countered.

Shawn smirked before adding, "The only person I can think of with a name like Jedidiah is in the Bible."

**Cory looked down and ignored the question. "Look, Topanga, is there any way we can do this assignment on the phone? Or by telepathy?"**

" **It concerns our environment. I think it deserves more direct attention."**

" **Okay, okay. I'll see you at my house after school."**

" **Before I leave, I'd like you to sign a petition to save Mrs. Rosemead's job."**

**Shawn asked, "Who's Mrs. Rosemead?"**

" **Our librarian. They're forcing her to retire. It's blatant ageism."**

**Shawn nodded. "Maybe because she's blatantly old."**

"Blatantly old, Shawn?" Feeny repeated.

"Kids...am I right?" Shawn said with a grin.

**Cory spoke up, "Look, can we talk about this later? We're real, real busy here."**

" **Fine. I'll respect your space." She walked off.**

**Shawn watched her leave, then chuckled. "Wow. Feeny must really hate your guts."**

" **Could be worse. At least he didn't give me Minkus."**

" **Hey. Minkus doesn't like me, he doesn't trust me, and he doesn't respect me. So he's doing the whole assignment by himself. In my book, Stuart Minkus is a god."**

Stuart smirked at the comment. "I can't believe I never knew this."

"If there's one thing I like, it's somebody else doing my work for me."

" **Then why is he sitting at the weirdo table?" Cory asked while staring at the kids. Topanga, Minkus, and three other kids were sitting at the table.**

" **It's like the cast of 'The Addams Family.' Don't they care what they look like?" Shawn questioned.**

" **Who cares what they look like? What am I gonna do about my hair?"**

" **Hey, if you're that stressed out, I'll ask my sister what she uses to straighten her hair."**

"What?!" Maya shouted.

Shawn nervously turned to his left to look at his daughter. He hadn't mentioned Stacey to her. In fact, besides Katy, he never really explained what happened to her to any of his friends or family for that matter. Jack knew a little about her but could never bring himself to ask about her and Cory only knew some parts. "She's Jack and I's half-sister. Her name was Stacey. She's four years older than Jack, and I never mention her because she ran off with her boyfriend like six months after this. We haven't heard from her since." Shawn finished. Katy snaked her arm around Shawn.

"What was she like?" The question surprisingly came from Jack. He hadn't known her at all, only knew vaguely of a girl named Stacey because his mother mentioned her a few times to his stepfather.

"To eleven-year-old me, your typical annoying older teenage sister," Shawn told him with a small smile despite feelings of sadness lingering in his heart.

"I wish I could have met her," Jack said, a frown present on his lips. Maya silently nodded in agreement.

**The screen now showed the Matthews' living room. Morgan went to where her mom was sitting. "Mommy? If my dolly is cold, can I put her in the toaster oven?"**

" **No, honey, that would be a mistake."**

" **Mommy?"**

" **What?"**

" **I made a mistake."**

"Looks like somebody's getting a new doll," commented Josh.

**Amy paced to the kitchen to retrieve the doll. "Cory, didn't you smell that?"**

**Cory, who was sitting next to Topanga, replied, "I just thought we were having plastic for dinner."**

**Amy pulled out the doll that was now fully flat. Morgan looked at the doll. "I don't care what she looks like, Debbie's my doll and I love her."**

Amy smiled at the familiar sight. It felt good to revisit old memories.

" **Well, sweetheart, we'll get you another doll."**

" **Okay." The little girl carelessly tossed to doll onto the counter.**

Morgan shook her head and laughed lightly. "Guess I wasn't too attached to her."

**Cory noticed his mother leaving the room. "See you later, Amy."**

**She turned with her hands on her hips. "Amy?"**

"Now I finally have the context to that," Mrs. Matthews said to her son.

" **Or if you prefer Mom." After she left Cory whispered to Topanga, "I told you!"**

" **I have some ideas on our presentation."**

" **So do I! Here's what we do. We hit Feeny hard, we hit him fast. The ozone layer, it's got a hole. Wear a hat! We're in, we're out."**

" **I kind of had a whole different approach to the report. Less conventional, more performance art." Topanga walked placed her boombox on the kitchen counter.**

" **No, please, let's stick to conventional. Conventional is good because no one laughs at conventional."**

" **Read this poem out loud." She handed the paper to him.**

Topanga braced herself for the reaction to the "Donut in the Sky" poem to begin. The dance was sure to get a few laughs — even from Topanga herself.

" **A poem? Please, not a poem." he grimaced. The music started and he began reading.**

" **Sun…The only. The one." During the performance, Topanga pointed to the ceiling, while Cory stared at her, bewildered.**

Riley kept looking back and forth at the screen and her mother. It was crazy to think that this odd, hippie-like girl is the younger version of her mom. Despite seeing several photos of her, Riley was still shocked at the eccentric child who reminded her a bit of herself if she was being honest.

" **Donut in the sky. Space. Big gaping place. Without. Within. Our skin. Doughnut in the sky." She continued doing her odd dance, even drawing on her face with red lipstick.**

"Well, it's very...creative," Angela said to make a somewhat positive comment.

"If creative means bad," Eric replied. He smiled at his sister-in-law. "No offense, though, Tangerine."

" **Freon. Fluorocarbon. Humpback whale. So pale. Exhaust. Is all lost? Donut in the sky." After finishing her dance, she bowed.**

" **Yeah, we could do that in front of the class… but before we could, will you just please take a huge baseball bat and hit me over the head?"**

" **You didn't think it had meaning?"**

" **Yeah, it means we'll be laughed out of school."**

" **Why do you care so much what other people think? When people laugh at you, they're depleting their own karmic reservoir."**

" **You're gonna be one of those girls who doesn't shave her legs, aren't you?"**

Riley was taken by surprise by the comment. She chuckled promptly and waited for her mother's response.

" **I haven't decided yet."**

Shawn glanced at the woman a few seats away from him with a boyish smile. "Have you decided now?"

"Yes," Topanga confirms.

" **Do you actually try to be weird?"**

" **I don't think I'm weird. I think I'm unique. Jedidiah and Chloe say that every time you're not true to yourself, the earth weeps."**

"Isn't Grandma's name Rhiannon?" Riley questioned.

"Some people have two middle names. Her full name is Rhiannon Chloe Miriam Curtis. She changed which name she went by based on how she 'spiritually' felt at the moment," Topanga explained.

" **Do they say that in their native Martian?"**

" **The earth is crying for you, Cory!"**

" **I'd rather have the earth crying than my friends laughing. People make fun of you, Topanga."**

" **So?"**

" **I couldn't take it. I just want to blend in."**

" **Well, you're sure good at it. You look like all the other plain-wrapped kids at school," she grabbed his baseball cap from the table, "except for your red hat."**

**He snatched it from her. "Hey! I got that on cap night. I had to wait an hour in line."**

" **Well, If it's important to you…then it's beautiful."**

" **Got the stuff," Shawn announced after entering the kitchen. He stared at the girl's face in shock. "Use a mirror, babe."**

Jack let out a laugh at his younger brother's comment. It was strange to see Shawn even younger than he was when the two met years ago. He was excited (and a little scared) to see what Shawn's childhood was really like.

**Topanga glanced at Cory. "What stuff?"**

" **Let me ask you something. What do you think of my hair? You think it looks good?"**

" **It's beautiful. Like a desert tumbleweed."**

" **Okay, thank you for those thoughts. Look, Topanga, you wanna do this performance thing, you do for it. I'll see you tomorrow."**

" **Are we all done for today?"**

" **Yeah, Shawn and I have another project we're working on now."**

" **Really? What is it?"**

**Shawn stood in front of Topanga. He responded in a soft voice, "Well, you know how those dolphins get caught in the tuna nets?"**

" **Yeah."**

" **It's got nothing to do with that," he slammed the door in her face. The boys high-fived and ran upstairs.**

"Oh, yeah. I remember that," Topanga told her friend. She crossed her arms and gave a playful glare.

**In a new scene they walked from the bathroom to the bedroom. Cory had the cream in his hair already and a towel on his shoulders. "Should this stuff be burning?!"**

" **Why, is it burning?" Shawn asked.**

" **No, I'm just trying to make conversation because we never really get to talk," Cory sarcastically responded.**

Topanga smiled. She gazed at her husband. "Oh, those were the days. Back when you and Shawn weren't attached at the hip," she teased.

" **How bad is it burning?"**

" **Call your sister. Ask her if my ears should feel like throbbing jalapeños."**

**Shawn held the phone up to his ear. "Hi, Stacey? It's me. Listen, Cory wants to know if that stuff you sent over should be burning. Uh-huh…Really?" he asked nonchalantly as Cory frantically waved his hands in pain.**

" **Hurting! Hurting now!"**

" **Stacey wants to know how long it's been burning."**

" **Forty, forty-five minutes."**

" **Forty-five minutes."**

" **Shawn, I'm gonna rip my head off!"**

The audience, minus Cory, guffawed at the statement. He shook his head, unamused. "Oh, so my pain is funny?"

"Yeah," Eric answered.

" **Stacey says you should've washed it out forty-five minutes ago."**

" **Ahh!" Cory yelled while running to the bathroom.**

" **Stacey says you shouldn't have left it in so long! Stacey says why didn't you two idiots read the label! Oh, thanks, Stace."**

"I think I like this Stacey," Katy remarked.

**Cory screamed in horror. Shawn turned his head toward the bathroom with his mouth wide open at the sudden yelling. The scene then showed a picture of Philadelphia, the earth, and the Milky Way, all with Cory screaming in the background.**

Shawn furrowed his eyebrows. "Is this what you pictured while screaming or something?"

"Well, that, and dragons breathing fire onto my head," Cory replied with a hint of bitterness. "Thanks for that by the way."

**Cory walked out of the bathroom, showing his ridiculous hair. Eric and Amy burst through the door to see what was wrong. They screamed in response to seeing Cory's straightened hair.**

Riley covered her mouth with her hand to mask her laughing. Maya, on the other hand, chuckled freely.

" **I had nothing to do with this," Shawn defended. He ran out of the room, brushing past Eric.**

"Absolutely nothing," repeated Jonathan Turner.

**Amy walked over to him, stroking his hair. "Cory, what did you do to your beautiful hair?"**

" **It wasn't beautiful, it looked like Velcro," Cory retorted.**

**Eric touched Cory's hair. "Nothing's gonna stick to that now, man." Cory slapped his hand away.**

" **This is your fault, you got the good hair."**

" **Yeah, I did, didn't I?" Eric brushed his hair with his hands proudly.**

"Way to make your brother feel better," Rachel said.

**Amy attempted to run a comb through Cory's hair. "Okay, we can fix this. Just…not with a comb."**

" **It doesn't really matter, Mom. His hair's gonna fall out," Eric stated.**

**She stopped trying to brush Cory's hair, leaving the pink comb stuck. "Eric, stop it."**

" **What? I'm just saying kid at school tried the same thing," he clapped his hands, "bald as a cue ball! She looks terrible."**

Alan grinned at his son, knowing that he would say the same thing later on.

**Morgan entered the bedroom, "I don't like my new dolly. She's not wearing a pretty dress."**

**Amy bent down to her. "Well, honey, she's a businesswoman. I mean this dolly has gone to college, has a good job, and doesn't need Ken to support her."**

**Cory spoke, "Who cares? I got a head problem, here!"**

**Morgan turned to him. "Hey, it's Punky Brewster!"**

**She walked off as Alan entered. He tilted his head as he observed the boy's hair. "That's a hat, right?"**

" **Yeah, try and take it off," Eric suggested.**

**Alan wiggled the comb on his head. "Cory, what did you do?"**

" **I tried to straighten my hair, okay?"**

" **With what, shellac?"**

" **Dad, you think a little shampoo might…"**

**Eric cut him off, "No. You see, the whole principle behind shampoo is that it actually has to touch your hair. It's completely ineffective if there's a polyurethane force field surrounding your head."**

" **I just hope your hair doesn't fall out," Alan said with his hands on his hips.**

" **Alan!" Amy protested.**

" **Okay, a guy at work, Mike, put this kind of stuff in his hair," he clapped his hands, "bald as a cue ball!"**

"I guess you just got lucky, huh? Or are you wearing a toupee now?" Maya teased.

**Cory got up from his bed. "Okay, listen up, family. Because, I admit, I didn't know what I was doing when I put this stuff on my head. And I admit I didn't know what it was going to do to me. But here's the thing I do know: I am, under no circumstances, going to school tomorrow. Is that clear? No school for Cory. School, Cory? No!"**

**The next scene showed Cory sitting at his desk angrily with a red hat on his head.**

Rilley tittered. "So much for not going to school."

" **Alright, next up for oral reports, Miss Lawrence and Mr. Matthews. Let's go, Mr. Matthews. Remove your cap and deliver your report," George Feeny instructed.**

" **Uh, I can't remove my cap because our report is on the ozone layer and the cap, uh, is part of our UV-protection angle."**

" **No caps in my class."**

" **Mr. Feeny, if there was one shred of humanity in you, you'll let me keep this on."**

" **Too many years of sixth graders have bled me of my humanity. Take off your cap."**

**Cory took off his hat sadly. The whole class except for Topanga roared with laughter. He looked at her. "Go ahead, laugh."**

" **Your hair looks different. Why would I laugh?" she responded.**

"You were laughing on the inside," insisted Maya.

**The scene was now in the cafeteria. Cory was looking for a place to sit.**

" **Over here…duck head," Shawn called out, making him and the other boy at the table burst out laughing.**

"Sorry," Shawn apologized.

Cory waved him off. "We were eleven."

**Cory stood in front of them, unamused. Topanga spoke up, "Cory! There's a seat for you here."**

**He took one long look at his chuckling friends who were motioning for him to sit with them before sitting down at the "weird" table.**

**Stuart stretched out his hand to Cory while holding chopsticks. "Tofu?"**

**The scene changed again. The kids were still eating their lunch. A girl walked up to them. "I only got one signature on our petition."**

" **It's so sad. How come no one cares about Mrs. Rosemead?" asked Topanga.**

**Cory answered, "Because she's, like, old."**

" **In eastern culture, old people are valued for their knowledge," a boy said.**

" **Darren, I've been meaning to ask you something since the fourth grade. Every day you come to school with a cape. What's the deal with the cape?"**

" **What cape?"**

"I always thought it was mean and insensitive to call them weirdos, but that kid really was a weirdo, wasn't he?" Topanga laughed.

**The girl with the petition spoke again, "Look, could someone else take this for a while? I'm getting tired of having lima beans and spit wads shot at me all day."**

**Stuart held out his hand. "I'll take it. I'm used to having objects hurled at my head."**

" **No one's gonna sign your petition," Cory told the group.**

" **Why not?" Topanga questioned.**

" **Because you're weird. However, I say that respectfully since I am now one of you. But I know how to get them to sign."**

" **Why should we listen to you? You didn't even know who Mrs. Rosemead was."**

" **I don't have to know Mrs. Rosemead. All I have to know is the people who you want to sign the petition."**

" **We know who they are. They're people like that, right over there."**

" **They might as well be a million miles away. You don't know a thing about them. What to they like to do after school? What do they like to watch on TV?"**

"' **Crossfire'?"**

"' **MacNeil-Lehrer Report.'"**

" **I enjoy anything with Angela Lansbury."**

" **Alright…I'll assume those are all actual shows. They're not watching those. They're out there watching 'Beavis and Butthead.'"**

" **Who?" all the kids asked in unison.**

Riley and Maya stared at the screen in confusion. "Who?"

"A popular cartoon show in the 90s," Cory explained. He glanced at Shawn. "Kids these days…"

" **Exactly my point. You want to sell your idea, you need to know your buyer. You gotta organize, you gotta strategize. And most of all, you need people who aren't…you."**

" **Are you proposing to help us?" Stuart questioned.**

" **Yeah, I guess I am."**

**Topanga looked at him. "Why?"**

" **Because life is strange, and now so am I."**

**Cory was now in his room with pink curlers in his hair. Eric walked in and stopped when he noticed his little brother. They stared at each other before Cory finally spoke, "Okay. What I'm doing is…I'm just trying to get my hair back to normal."**

**Eric nodded. "Sure…"**

" **If you say anything I'll find some way to hurt you when I'm older."**

"Still haven't," Cory muttered.

" **Not a word, man. I mean, it's cool, you know. Don't worry about it," Eric said as he slowly inched towards his desk. He pulled out an old-looking camera and snapped a picture of Cory when he wasn't looking.**

" **Hey!"**

" **I own you now." Eric held up the polaroid as Cory looked at him, horrified.**

"Please tell me you still have that picture," Maya said.

"Yep. I keep it safe...just in case."

**As the screen changed, the five "weird" kids were standing in front of the lockers. "How much longer are we gonna wait for him?"**

" **Just a couple more minutes," Topanga told the girl.**

" **He's not gonna show."**

" **We were stupid to believe him."**

" **I feel cheap," Stuart said.**

**Cory walked down the stairs with his head down. His hair now looked like a poofy afro. "I know you people are way too smart and mature to find something as degrading as this funny." They all laughed in response. "Look, the bell's gonna rings any second. Are we gonna help out Mrs. Rosemead or not?"**

"I see the curlers didn't work as well as you hoped," Lucas noted as he attemped to hide a smile.

**The kids nodded at each other excitedly. Minkus confirmed, "Let's rock 'n' roll!"**

" **Remember, hold your ground. It's Friday afternoon, and we are the only roadblock to freedom. Things could get ugly," Cory said as they all handcuffed each other, blocking anyone from moving past them.**

**The bell rang and a large group of kids stood in front of them. "What are you geeks doing? We're gonna miss the bus!"**

" **Hey, look! It's Don King!" one kid joked.**

" **Okay, look. Here's the deal. The school board is forcing Mrs. Rosemead to retire," Cory explained.**

" **Who cares? It's the weekend!"**

" **Come on, you guys! The woman's been here for forty years and they're just putting her out to pasture. Just sign our petition and we'll move."**

" **Move…or die." The crowd inched forward in a threatening manner.**

" **Okay, you can kill us. But think about this: Mrs. Rosemead's been here for, like, a billion years. She couldn't care less what we do. Hey, Larry, tell them how you got out of study hall last week."**

" **I told her I was training for the Olympic decathlon."**

" **And she believed you, right?"**

" **She bought me a discus."**

" **See? She'll go for anything! Now you know what's gonna happen? They're gonna hire someone young to replace her. And this one's gonna have something to prove. And, my good friends, study hall as we know it's gonna be over…forever."**

" **Where's the stupid petition?" Larry asked.**

" **Cafeteria."**

" **I'm signing," Larry shrugged. All the kids followed him to the cafeteria.**

" **Wow," Stuart said.**

" **You did great, Cory," Topanga told him. The kids got uncuffed and left, leaving Cory and Topanga together.**

" **It was kinda cool staring down an angry mob. I never knew I had it in me."**

" **Sometimes the reluctant warrior is the bravest warrior."**

**Cory lost his goofy grin and stared at the girl in worry. "You're not gonna, like, kiss me now, are you?"**

Riley gripped Maya's arm and moved back and forth in her seat, shaking the blonde in the process. "It's happening!"

" **Would it be your first kiss?"**

" **Hey, don't come near me!" He moved his wrist back and forth vigorously in an attempt to break the handcuffs.**

"I don't think you're too happy about this," Shawn observed.

"'Think'?"

" **Because it would be interesting if all your life you remembered that your first kiss happened when you thought you looked weird, wouldn't it?"**

" **No! It wouldn't be interesting! Get away!"**

" **Because then you'd know. It's not what you look like on the outside that matters. It's what kind of person you are."**

" **You shouldn't kiss somebody you're not married to."**

" **Hmm…Yeah…I would have to feel I really knew the person. And that I liked him."**

" **Good."**

" **Good." She pushed him against the lockers and then leaned in to kiss him. She pulled away, showing his shocked and disgusted face. "It was my first one, too."**

"You know what this reminds me of?" Maya smiled.

"Nooo!" Riley shouted to stop her best friend.

"When Riley and Farkle kissed. She had the same look on her face."

"When who kissed?!" Cory stared at the boy and girl.

"It was just on the chin!" Riley sat in her chair, mortified. "Maya, back me up here."

Maya faced Cory's direction. She had a smug grin on her face. "Your daughter is the future Mrs. Minkus."

"Hey!" Isadora objected to a bewildered Riley.

**The next day, Cory walked up to the two girls from earlier. "Y'know, I want to tell you something. Brillo Head wouldn't have come to your party, anyway."**

" **What are you talking about?"**

" **I'm talking about the hair does not make the man. And I speak from personal experience. You shouldn't talk about people like that."**

" **Don't flatter yourself, Cory. We weren't even talking about you."**

" **You called me Brillo head."**

" **We were talking about my sister's friend Dwayne."**

" **We never talk about you, Cory. We're not that bored." They walked off.**

"Ouch," Isadora said loudly.

**Cory walked over to Topanga and chatted with her shortly. After he was done he sat down next to Shawn, then glanced back at the girl. She put on his red hat before they both looked away.**

"Aww! This was great," Riley said. "I can't wait to see you two get together!"


	4. Boys II Mensa (S1E6)

" **I have graded your book reports from last Friday and after I pass them out, we'll discuss them," George Feeny said to his class. Behind him was Cory with a clown nose on, goofing around with Shawn.**

Riley stared quizzically at the screen in front of her. "Dad, are you wearing a clown nose?"

"Yes." Cory smiled. "I think it's a good look for me."

" **Ah, Mr. Matthews." Cory turned around to face his teacher, embarrassed. "Shall I express my usual disappointment or just ask you to guide my sleigh tonight?"**

" **Uh, wrong holiday, Mr. Feeny. See, Halloween's coming up and I was just test-driving my clown nose."**

" **Then I insist you stay in the driver's seat. Put the nose back on...for the rest of the morning." Feeny walked over to Minkus. "Mr. Minkus, excellent work as usual. I particularly enjoyed your haiku on Captain Ahab's obsession with the great white whale."**

**Stuart recited his poem, "The calm blue ocean. Sun lights up the monster's eye. He sees me. Whale food."**

"I think you should leave the poem writing to me," Shawn told Minkus.

The other man turned his head towards Shawn. His lips formed an impressed smile. "You write poetry now? I never would have guessed."

" **It works on so many levels."**

**Shawn insulted, "Brown-noser."**

" **Troglodyte," Stuart shot back.**

"You can't be hurt if you don't know what the insult means," Maya commented, earning a laugh from Shawn. She looked at Stuart, who was sitting to the far-right of her. "What does that mean?"

"A hermit or somebody that is deliberately ignorant," Minkus answered, "aka Shawn."

**George gave the other papers back to his students. "Mr. Lewis, very good work. Mr. Matthews, not one of your better efforts. Mr. Hunter…"**

**Cory took the paper from his friend's desk and read it. "Hey, this isn't fair. Rick and I both got Cs. How come you tell him he did good work and you tell me it wasn't one of my better efforts?"**

" **Would Bozo please come to the center ring?" George talked to Cory in a low voice, "Mr. Lewis worked very hard to get his C and I respect him for that. You, on the other hand, waste your efforts on being the class clown."**

"Literally," Alan remarked.

" **How come you always pick on me, Mr. Feeny? How come you never pick on Minkus?"**

" **Have you taken a blow to the head, Mr. Matthews? Stuart Minkus gets nothing but As. If there was a letter before A, he would get that."**

" **I guess that's why he gets away with so much."**

" **And just what does he get away with?"**

" **Well, how come when I make paper airplanes I get detention, and he doesn't?" Cory held up his poorly made airplane, then the camera showed Stuart's expertly made one. "I withdraw the question."**

**...**

**Shawn stood in the halls, drinking juice. Cory exited detention and noticed Shawn leaning against the lockers. "You waited for me?"**

" **Am I not your best friend?"**

" **You had detention, too, didn't you?"**

" **Oh, yeah. Mrs. Engles nailed me."**

" **How'd you get detention in art?"**

" **Well, that's what makes me one of the greats." Shawn threw his bottle in the trash. He noticed a piece of paper and picked it up. "Hey. Check this out, answers to a test."**

Jack gazed at his brother who was watching with a proud smile on his face. He could only imagine what his brother did to get detention. "I didn't think you could get detention in art."

Maya grinned almost as proudly as her dad. "Oh, you can. Trust me."

" **Shawn. We can't be looking at test answers. That's major cheating, detention for life."**

" **No, these aren't for a real test. They're for that stupid IQ exam we're taking tomorrow." Shawn crumbled the paper into a ball and attempted to throw it into the trashcan, but Cory caught it.**

" **Wait a minute. Let me take a look at this. Wow. The person who knows these answers gets a perfect score."**

"That's not going to be suspicious at all," Lucas said sarcastically. "Even Farkle couldn't get a perfect score."

"My straight-A's say otherwise, cowboy," Farkle responded.

" **On a test that doesn't even count for a grade. Why bother?"**

" **Are you kidding? This is my one ticket to get Feeny off my back. If Feeny thinks I'm a genius he'll treat me just as good as he treats Minkus."**

Riley's mouth was hanging wide open. "Dad, you're actually thinking about cheating? I'd expect this from Uncle Shawn, but you?"

"This is the best day of my life," Maya declared with pure ecstasy in her voice.

"Is it too late to stop watching this?" Cory cringed.

" **Hey, Cory, do yourself a favor. Crumple the paper up, throw it away in the trash. Don't complicate your life."**

Topanga observed, "The one time Shawn was smarter than Cory."

"Yeah," Shawn agreed. He paused to think about what she said. "Wait, hey!"

" **You know, that makes a lot of sense and if I was a smarter person, I'd probably listen to you, except I'm not a smarter person, but tomorrow, I'm gonna be a genius."**

**...**

**Mr. Feeny was now shown in front of his classroom. "I have in my hands the results of Tuesday's IQ test and one person here deserves special mention. This person achieved not only the highest score in the class, not only the highest score in the school, but a score so high as to give rise to the question 'Is there, in fact, a ceiling on human intelligence?'"**

"That's me," Cory declared humorously.

" **Please, Mr. Feeny, you're embarrassing me," Stuart responded as Cory and Shawn watched with smug expressions on their faces.**

"You two are really enjoying this," Angela noted with amusement.

"Of course. For once, I was smarter than Mink...Stuart."

" **Mr. Minkus, you came in second."**

" **Second?"**

" **Uh-huh."**

" **As in the context of not first? Someone scored higher than I did on the IQ test?"**

Stuart beamed proudly, knowing that if Cory hadn't cheated he would have had the highest IQ in the class.

" **Blew you out of the academic water. Someone sitting in this very classroom is a junior Kierkegaard."**

" **A what?" Cory questioned.**

"Congratulations on making it more obvious that you cheated. What genius doesn't know Søren Kierkegaard?" Isadora critiqued.

Shawn defended, "I'm pretty sure not every smart person knows Soaring Kierke...whatever you said."

" **A great mind, Mr. Matthews, just like yours. I have clearly underrated you, and I bow to your genius." The class started clapping. "Bravo."**

**Cory stood up. "It's no big thing, Mr. Feeny."**

" **On the contrary, Mr. Matthews, it is a big thing. It is a very big thing."**

**Cory turned to Shawn. "Uh-oh."**

**...**

**Eric entered the house, while Amy and Morgan were sitting on the couch. "Hi, mom. Hi, weasel."**

" **Eric, can you stay with Morgan for an hour while I show a house?" Amy asked her son.**

" **Sure." He sat down on a chair. He looked at his little sister. "You want to learn how to be a big girl?"**

" **Yeah."**

" **Because big girls know how to take out the garbage so their brothers don't have to."**

" **Really? You'd teach me how to take out the garbage?"**

" **Yep."**

" **What am I, an idiot?" She looked at her mother. "I want my Halloween costume."**

" **It's no big deal, mom. I'll help her pick one out," he told Amy.**

" **Oh, would you?"**

" **Yeah. If you could just drop us off at the store I'll have dad pick us up on his way home from work."**

**Amy bent down to her daughter. "Is that ok with you?"**

" **I love Eric," Morgan responded.**

" **Ready?" Eric placed Morgan on the table and turned backward. "Hop on, Weez."**

The scene brought a smile to his lips. It reminded him somewhat of his relationship with Eric as a kid. While Eric lived in New York and Josh lived in Pennsylvania, Eric made an effort to visit his youngest sibling often. He got to see Eric a lot more than Cory, but he saw Morgan the most due to her still living with her parents while he was a child.

**Amy opened the door to see Cory and Shawn. "Oh, hi–"**

" **Can't talk, Mom, lot of homework. Got to go," Cory said hurriedly.**

" **Yeah. What he said," Shawn added.**

**Amy stared at her older son. "Something terrible?"**

" **Oh, yeah," Eric agreed as he walked out the door.**

"I don't think we were as good at hiding things as we thought," Cory suggested.

"Definitely not," Amy agreed.

**...**

**The boys entered Cory's bedroom. Cory threw his backpack onto the floor. "Feeny knows. Somehow he knows, and he's going to get me."**

" **You're wrong," Shawn told him.**

" **You think he's just sending a thank you note to my parents? 'Thank you for bringing up your son. He's a genius. He's smarter than Captain Kirkaguard.'"**

**Shawn began ripping open the letter. Cory snatched it from him and said, "What are you doing? That's a sealed envelope addressed to my parents. Now they're going to know I opened it."**

" **Cory, do your parents ever write letters to anyone?"**

" **Yeah."**

" **And when they do, what do they put the letters in?"**

" **Envelopes." Cory now understood what Shawn was saying. "Just like this one."**

" **So we could read the note."**

" **And seal it back up in a new white envelope. Ha! I love how we think." Cory watched Shawn reading the letter. "What's it say?"**

"I like how you took partial credit for _my_ idea," Shawn pointed out.

"It was a bad idea anyway."

" **Uh-oh. He's bringing in the S.E.A."**

" **What?"**

" **The State Education Authority. They have special field agents who handle intelligence fraud."**

**Cory began freaking out. "I'm cooked! I'm cooked, Shawn! For the first time in my life, I'm in real trouble."**

Riley's wide eyes were fixated on the screen with worry. She hoped her father wouldn't get into too much trouble. Maya, on the other hand, was loving every second of it and suspicious of Shawn's words.

"I may not know a lot, but I do know that I've never heard of the S.E.A.," Maya said. "Sounds fake."

"Why would he make that up?" Riley countered.

**Shawn smiled slyly. "Not if I'm making all this up."**

Maya leaned in closer to Riley. "Told you," she whispered.

" **Are you?"**

" **No."**

"Told you," Riley mocked.

" **I'm cooked!"**

" **Relax. Of course I'm making it up. He just wants to talk to your parents."**

Maya finally let out a victorious "told you." Shawn watched the girls with an attempted straight face, but he couldn't help but crack a smile.

" **What if he tells them he doesn't think I'm a genius?"**

" **Who cares if Feeny doesn't think you're brilliant? As long as the test says so."**

"Even I can see that this won't work," Zay said.

" **But I'm not, and my parents know I'm not."**

" **Then you'll have to make them think you are."**

" **How do I do that?"**

" **Get with the program, Cory. It's Halloween, and this year you're going as a genius."**

**...**

**Cory saw a car pulling up from the window and quickly turned on the CD player. He started mimicking the movements of a conductor.**

**His parents entered the room. "Well, Cory Matthews is that classical music you're listening to?" Amy asked.**

" **Oh, that was just a commercial during the baseball game."**

**Alan smiled. "Oh, selling cellos, were they?"**

" **Yeah, I guess so."**

" **Come on, maestro, we saw you conducting that symphony with your Phillies finger."**

" **It wasn't a symphony, Dad. It was just Beethoven's Piano Concerto in E Flat."**

Amy shook her head. "You really thought you could convince us you were a genius by listening to Beethoven?"

"In my defense…" Cory stopped in thought. "Yeah, I have nothing. This was a really bad plan."

" **Cory, we just came from school, talking to Mr. Feeny. We know about the IQ test," his mother informed him.**

" **You do?"**

" **We do."**

" **So, what do you know?"**

" **Well, we know that you scored very high."**

" **The highest in the history of the school district," Alan added.**

" **I don't want to be treated any differently."**

"That's literally why you did it," Katy commented.

" **I wouldn't think of it."**

" **Cory, your father and I are having a little trouble understanding why your IQ test scores are up here and your report cards are, well, down here."**

" **You know, I've been giving that some thought, too, mom. I've decided that what you're seeing is the flaw in our public education system."**

" **Yeah, I'm seeing the flaw," his dad nodded.**

"I'm seeing it too," George agreed.

" **Because the way I see it I didn't fail the system, the system failed me."**

" **That's the way you see it?"**

" **What other explanation could there be, Dad?"**

" **Mommy!" Morgan called.**

" **Up here, angel face," Amy responded. "I don't know, Cor. It just seems that after fifteen years of being a mother I'd like to think I know my own children."**

**Morgan came into the bedroom with a headband that looked like a cleaver was in her head and an eyepatch that looked like her eye was hanging out. "I'm a zombie."**

" **Is my little sister hideous or what?" Eric questioned.**

Morgan put her hand on her heart. "Aw, I remember that costume."

" **Hi, Eric."**

" **Very gruesome. Blackout teeth? Ooh. That's my little girl."**

" **There were no Cinderella costumes?" Amy asked Eric.**

" **Hundreds of them."**

" **And you had to choose axe in the head here?"**

" **It was the last one," Eric said excitedly.**

" **Ooh, nice hanging eyeball," praised Alan.**

" **I wanted Morgan to choose her own costume."**

" **She did choose it, Mom. She wanted to be a zombie."**

**Alan replied, "Eric, 24 hours ago, she didn't know what a zombie was."**

" **The undead are cool," Morgan said.**

Amy looked at her oldest son with a raised eyebrow. He confessed, "Ok. _Maybe_ I persistently suggested that she got one of those 'cool' zombie costumes instead of a 'boring' princess one."

"Maybe," Morgan repeated with a large grin.

…

**Cory was sitting on his desk, talking to his best friend. "Shawn, this whole thing is getting out of hand."**

" **Relax. Everybody thinks you're brilliant. You should enjoy it."**

" **When it was just Feeny, I could enjoy it. But now my parents are involved, and I don't like lying to them."**

" **You don't?"**

" **No."**

" **'Cause it gives me a little rush. Besides, you didn't tell them you were a genius, Feeny did."**

" **And I didn't tell Feeny I'm a genius."**

" **The test did. And you didn't ask to take the test."**

" **They gave it to me."**

Riley held back laughter by covering her mouth with her hand. "You guys can't be serious."

"Oh, they are," Feeny replied. "This is the kind of stuff I had to deal with every day."

" **And you wouldn't have even seen the answers—"**

**Cory continued, "—if they didn't give us—"**

"— **detention," Shawn finished.**

" **We're innocent victims."**

Everyone in the theater was laughing or grinning at this point. Shawn and Cory were a tad embarrassed since, after all, they were the ones being laughed at.

" **Nothing we do is actually our fault."**

"This is almost as good as the time Cory and Shawn thought they cheated on a pop quiz," Jonathan said.

Cory didn't have to turn to know that Riley and Maya were smiling even wider than before and even more excited to continue watching this show.

" **It's good to be kids."**

"Let me guess," Cory started with a sigh. "You're going to use this against me, Maya."

"Yep."

**Stuart walked up with crossed arms. "I don't get it."**

" **What?"**

" **If you're smarter than I am how come you're always trying to copy from my paper?"**

" **Uh…" Cory looked at Shawn.**

" **He's not copying, Minkus. He's just glancing over to admire the work of a fellow genius."**

" **You are?"**

" **He is."**

" **I am."**

" **Oh, well, that's ok. In fact, from now on I'll kind of tip my test papers up so you can admire the answers even easier."**

" **Would you do that?"**

" **No." Minkus walked to his seat.**

"Farkle and I definitely have a better relationship than you two. That one time I wanted to cheat off of him, Farkle tipped his paper so I could see the answers easily."

"What?" Katy almost shouted in shock.

Maya's eyes widened, knowing she would get scolded once this was all over. She laughed nervously. "Oh, Mr. Matthews, you never told her about that?"

" **Genius envy," Shawn explained to Cory.**

"I'm sure that's what it is," Farkle teased.

**George walked in with an Asian woman. "Class, this is Miss Chin. She'll be with you for the first half-hour while I have a word with Mr. Matthews."**

**Cory got up from his desk. He stopped in front of Shawn. "Tell my mom I went out like a man."**

…

" **Mr. Matthews, I brought you down here in case there was anything you cared to say to me."**

"You're cooked," Maya said with a smirk.

" **Uh, about what, Mr. Feeny?"**

" **Oh, I don't know. Sports, the weather, the inevitable ramifications of deception."**

" **I choose sports."**

Lucas laughed lightly before joking, "That last option sounds like a fun topic."

" **Too bad."**

" **How come?"**

" **Your new school doesn't have any."**

" **You know, for a minute there I thought you said new school. Hahaha!"**

" **I did. One that offers an entire curriculum geared toward students like yourself. No mindless distractions such as baseball, football, basketball."**

" **Wait a minute. What do they do for fun?"**

" **They study."**

" **What do they do for exercise?"**

" **They study till they sweat."**

Rachel slowly nodded. "Sounds fun."

" **No sports teams at all?"**

" **Well, they have a highly spirited chess team."**

" **Chess? You know, Mr. Feeny, I'm thinking as fun as that sounds, I feel like the smart kids at that school don't really need me. You and my friends here need me."**

" **Oh, but we'd be holding you back."**

" **No. You wouldn't. Um, I could help you teach a class. You and I, we'd be like a team. Two men with IQs working together for the good of all these deserving kids."**

" **No, I think we'll just have to muddle through without you. The school district is committed to giving gifted children everything they deserve and I think you deserve everything you're going to get."**

"That sounds more like a threat," noted Katy.

Feeny shook his head. "It was."

" **I don't really think I deserve anything."**

" **Oh, but according to the test, you do."**

" **Mr. Feeny, I'm smart enough to know you don't really think I'm a genius."**

" **Mr. Matthews, it no longer matters what I think. What matters is you're no longer in my class." He got up and walked away. "Don't you love Halloween? No one is what they seem to be."**

"For a teacher, that's a pretty cool exit," Maya said. Zay nodded in agreement.

…

**Shawn entered Cory's bedroom. "Ok, I'm here. What's the big emergency?" Cory shot him multiple times with a Nerf gun. "Hey! What are you trying to do, kill me?"**

"Kill you with foam bullets?" Jack jokingly pointed out.

" **Kill you? I'll tell you about killed. How about what you did to me?"**

" **What'd I do?" Shawn questioned.**

" **Where are you spending your next recess? Playground, shooting hoops, playing ball?"**

" **So?"**

" **So let me tell you what I'm doing. I'm searching for Bobby Fischer!"**

" **What are you talking about?"**

" **Geniuses go to a special school. Did you know that? You killed me. I'm going to be in a class full of Minkuses. Wait a minute. What am I talking about? These kids make Minkus look like Fabio."**

"Minki," Maya corrected.

" **Wait a minute. They're putting you in another school?"**

" **Yes. The lady is going to be here in a half an hour and they're going to give me another genius test and then they're going to take me away. So I just called you up to say goodbye. Or as geniuses say, goodbye in Latin."**

"That would be Vale," Farkle stated.

" **Hey, idiot."**

Maya chuckled, not expecting those words to come out of Shawn's mouth.

" **What?"**

" **Are you a genius?"**

" **No."**

" **Do you have the answers to this test?"**

" **No."**

" **You kind of see where I'm going with this?"**

" **You want me to throw the test?"**

" **Oh, no, no. I want you to take the test to the best of your ability. And no guessing. I wouldn't want you to stumble onto a right answer."**

…

" **All done," Cory announced to his parents and the lady that was sent to give him the test.**

" **Why, Cory, most students need at least a full hour for this test. I'll just get out the answer template," the British woman said.**

" **And that should confirm," Alan started.**

" **What we already know," his wife finished.**

**The woman and Cory's parents all hmmed. "Well, Cory, if I'm to believe the results of this test then your I.Q. would be about that of an average sixth-grader," the British woman said.**

" **Yup, that's me. The lights are on, but nobody's home."**

" **Did you really think you'd get away with it, Cory?" she questioned.**

" **No, I guess I knew I'd be caught from the beginning."**

" **I guess we knew that, too," Alan said.**

**The woman stood there smiling. "Cory cheated."**

" **I'm not a genius."**

" **You'd like us to believe that, wouldn't you, Cory?"**

"Huh?" most of the audience that wasn't there said.

" **Huh?" Cory and his parents looked at her in confusion.**

" **Your son is manifesting typical behavior for a young genius."**

**Cory got up. "I'm, but I'm not smart! Look at your answer sheet. It says I'm a moron."**

" **I know it does. He doesn't want to leave his old school and all his friends. That is why you cheated on this test, isn't it, Cory?"**

" **Yes. Well, no, but look, when I said I cheated, I didn't mean this test. I meant the first test the one Feeny gave us that said I was a genius."**

" **Cory!" the woman interjected, still not believing him.**

**The kid put his hands up. "No. Please. Don't talk. Every time you talk, you make me sound smart. Look, Mom, Dad, I found the answers to Feeny's test and memorized them. I'm not a genius."**

"So you memorize the answers to a test, but you can't study for a test?" Jonathan pointed out. "It's like you only want to put effort into school when you're cheating...or think you're cheating."

" **We kind of figured that," his dad admitted.**

" **You did?"**

**Amy agreed, "Yeah, but we're glad you finally decided to come clean."**

" **You'll excuse me, but there are actual prodigies out there who deserve my attention and respect. I can't waste my time with normal people like you." The lady put the test paper in her bag.**

**Alan cleared his throat. "Well, you'll excuse me, but normal people like us have raised our children to be normal kids. I'm sorry if they don't fit some arbitrary intellectual standard of yours."**

" **But we're not sorry that they're well brought up and completely normal," Amy added.**

**Morgan screamed as she ran down the stairs while dressed in her zombie costume. "Is this better?"**

"I have great timing," Morgan said fondly.

**Alan stared at the woman. "She's a zombie. You got a problem with that?"**

" **You must be so proud." She left out the door.**

" **You guys knew I wasn't a genius all along, didn't you?"**

" **Yeah, I guess we did."**

" **How come you went along with me?"**

" **Well, Cory, we would never accuse you of cheating. We had no proof that you did," his mom answered.**

" **We just hoped you were smart enough to tell us the truth eventually."**

" **I wasn't even smart enough to do that until I was backed into a corner. I guess I blew it, huh?"**

" **Yep."**

" **Grounded?"**

" **Yep. Two weeks."**

" **I'll be in my room."**

" **Yes, you will be. Starting the day after Halloween," Alan told him.**

" **You mean I can still have Halloween?"**

" **As long as you don't go disguised as a boy who cheats on tests."**

" **I won't. That costume was totally wrong for me."**

" **Cory, you don't have to ever try to be something you're not."**

" **So from now on, I'll just wear my normal-kid outfit."**

" **It always looked good on you."**

Cory watched the scene with a twinkle in his eye. He then gave his parents a glance. He hoped that he was at least as half as good of a parent as his parents. And based off of how Riley was turning out, maybe he was.

…

" **Please read chapter seven and be ready to discuss it tomorrow," Mr. Feeny said to his class after the bell rang.**

**Cory walked up to the teacher's desk and held up his red clown nose. "Bozo resigns. I'm turning in my nose. I figure as long as I'm going to give up being the class genius I'll give up being the class clown, too."**

" **Fair trade. Welcome back to class, Mr. Matthews."**

" **I guess I thought a guy had to be a genius to earn your respect."**

" **All my students have to do to earn my respect is try their hardest."**

" **I guess that's why you didn't bust Rick Lewis for failing this week's math quiz."**

" **That's right. He did the best he could. He just didn't understand the material. I consider the failure mine, and I will try my hardest to make sure Mr. Lewis understands the next assignment."**

"Wow. You're a really good teacher, Mr. Feeny. Sadly I'm stuck with Matthews." Riley nudged Maya. "Ow."

" **Well, I think that's really cool of you, Mr. Feeny." Cory gathered his books and left the classroom.**

" **I'm cool. God, help me."**

…

**The doorbell rang. Morgan got off the couch and went to open the door. "My turn, my turn!"**

**Two boys with masks were behind the door. "Trick or treat!"**

" **One for you, one for you, two for me."**

**Mr. Feeny was behind the kids. One of the boys turned to his friend, "Hey, look. There's the guy that's handing out the rulers."**

Turner turned to Feeny. "Really? That's something a sitcom teacher would do."

" **You're too big to trick or treat," Morgan informed Feeny.**

" **Yes, well, apparently my treats aren't going over so well. Uh, would you ask one of your parents if I could borrow some candy?"**

" **Mom! Dad!" Morgan went off to find her parents.**

**Three more kids walked up. "Trick or treat!"**

" **The candy's on its way."**

" **Hey, aren't you that Feeny guy from school?"**

" **I'm Mr. Feeny, yes."**

" **My brother's friend Cory Matthews said I'm going to have you for a teacher next year. He said you're the best teacher in the whole school."**

"Well that's obviously you, Dad," Riley said.

" **Oh, please, Mr. Matthews. I wasn't born yesterday—" He removed the boy's mask, revealing a redhead that was obviously not Cory. "I'm terribly sorry. Happy Halloween. Here, have a ruler. Have all the rulers."**

**Amy came from around the corner. "George."**

" **Yes?"**

" **There's plenty of candy here in the kitchen."**

" **Thank you." He walked to the kitchen.**

**The other two kids that were with the redhead took off their masks, revealing Cory and Shawn. Cory smiled proudly. "And they say I'm not a genius."**

"What?" George stared at the screen in disbelief. "So after all these years, it was you!"

"Yeah, that's right," Cory responded.

Shawn crossed his arms. "We're smarter than you give us credit for."

"No, you're not." Topanga retorted. She rolled her eyes and smiled at her best friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating since last month! I hope you enjoyed this update.


	5. Teacher's Bet (1x08)

**Shawn walked up to Cory who was sitting on the lunch table. He handed him a rolled-up newspaper. "Hey, Cory. Brought you a great article on Barry Bonds."**

" **Ah, the forty-three million dollar man."**

" **Why do they call him that?" Stuart questioned.**

" **Because that's what he's getting to play baseball for six years," Shawn answered.**

" **7.16 million a year?"**

" **If that's what it comes out to, yeah," replied Shawn.**

" **He happens to be one of the top guys in baseball," Cory told him.**

" **Well, I happen to think that Mr. Feeny is one of the top guys in teaching, and he makes about forty thousand a year."**

" **That stinks," Shawn said.**

"I appreciate your sympathy, Shawn," George commented.

" **Finally. Something we agree on."**

" **Yeah," Cory agreed.**

" **Feeny ain't worth that kind of money."**

George sighed. "I take back my last statement."

" **You thought I meant he was overpaid? I meant that Mr. Feeny is grossly and tragically underpaid."**

**Cory put his hand on Stuart's shoulder. "Minkus—May I call you Minkus? Does spelling ever change? No. Does history ever change? Uh-uh. Does Feeny ever change? Never. Know why? He doesn't have to. Know why? 'Cause nothing about teaching sixth grade ever changes."**

"Is that why you became a teacher?" Lucas questioned, flashing a smile.

Cory just looked over at George and smiled. "Yeah," he replied.

" **Well, I think you're wrong."**

" **Well, I think I'm right. I think in about five seconds, Feeny walks in here, takes a sip from the drinking fountain, flicks his mustache, goes to the coffee machine, sees me, and says 'Good Morning, Mr. Matthews. I trust you've done the homework.' Every day the same thing. He's so predictable." He held out both hands toward Mr. Feeny.**

**The teacher did exactly as Cory said he would. "Good Morning, Mr. Matthews. I trust you've done the homework."**

"I never knew I was so predictable," George said. "I also don't know why I always bothered to ask you when the answer was always no." Maya raised an eyebrow at this.

"Wow Mr. Goody Goody Matthews, looks like we have a lot more in common than I thought," Maya said with a devious smirk.

" **Yes, I did, sir."**

" **But my little sister ate it," Cory and Feeny said at the same time.**

Cory turned his head towards his sister and saw Morgan giving him a curious look. "What? He knew we didn't have a dog. You know what, maybe Eric would've been more believable than you."

"I take offense to that," Eric responded with a raised finger. Cory just rolled his eyes in response.

" **You are so predictable," George told the boy before walking away.**

"Oh, the days when you being _predictable_ was the problem," Feeny reminisced.

…

**Mr. Feeny erased the chalk on his chalkboard. "This week in Social Studies, we'll be talking about prejudice."**

" **Good, 'cause I'm prejudiced against the scungy food cafeteria," Cory replied. He high-fived Shawn.**

" **We will be discussing black slavery in the American south, the Jews in Nazi Germany, and several examples of prejudice throughout history. Tonight your assignment is to read the first thirty pages of that book," Feeny said as he passed out copies of The Diary of Anne Frank.**

" **Aw, man. It's a book about some girl," Cory commented, disappointed.**

"Wow. That's certainly a different attitude than you have now. You taught us about how important that book is, and speak about it in such high regard," Riley noted.

"Huh," Cory replied, not taking his eyes from the screen.

**The bell rang. Feeny motioned with his finger for** **Cory to come to his desk. "Mr. Matthews."**

" **I'll read it anyways. I'll do my homework, really."**

" **I note an escalating tendency for you to make humorous comments about the things I'm teaching, Mr. Matthews. You are making my job very difficult."**

" **Well, we both know it's not very hard to teach sixth grade, so I always thought you secretly liked that I make it a little more challenging."**

"You must have liked it. You were our teacher every year since sixth grade, we couldn't seem to get rid of you," Cory told the former teacher, again with a fond smile.

"I must be a masochist," Feeny joked in response.

" **Oh, so that's it. My job is easy."**

" **Well, you know, same stuff every year. The only thing that changes is the students."**

"Well, I guess the students didn't change anymore after this," Cory added. "Seriously, how did you manage to be our teacher slash principal for what, seven years?"

"Bad luck, probably," George replied with a smile.

" **You know, I always thought you had the easy job, just sitting in class, listening."**

" **Are you kidding? Thirty-five hours a week in here with you? Major homework every night? It never stops, Mr. Feeny. And you want to know what I get for all that? Five measly bucks a week. You probably make that in an hour."**

" **Yes, I do. That's why I can afford that Ferrari in my driveway."**

" **You don't drive a Ferrari."**

" **Oh, right. It's a Gremlin." He got up. "In any event, perhaps I have been underestimating the difficulty of your job as a sixth-grader."**

" **Well, perhaps you have, Mr. Feeny."**

" **Mmm."**

" **What?"**

" **I could give you a chance to prove your theory."**

"And here comes the starting point of another one of Mr. Feeny's lessons," Riley announced.

" **What do you mean?"**

" **I mean, why don't we trade jobs for the rest of the week?"**

" **Because you wouldn't do that."**

" **Oh, yes, I would. You may teach one of my classes until Friday, at which point, you will administer a test that I have prepared."**

Zay warned, "You're walking right into a trap."

" **Will I have to take it?"**

" **You'll be the teacher, Mr. Matthews. You'll be having the easy job, giving the test. And if more students than normal pass, you win. And if more students fail, I win."**

" **So, while I'm doing your job, what are you gonna do?"**

" **Well, since you'll be sitting in my seat, I think it's only fair that I should be sitting in yours."**

" **You mean, you'd be like, my student?"**

" **Like...yeah."**

" **Yes!"**

" **Would you enjoy that?"**

" **Yeah, that'd be ok. And you'd be taking the test, right?"**

" **Right."**

" **Ok, deal. Just how you said. No take-backs."**

" **No take-backs. But why don't we make this experiment...a little more interesting?"**

Lucas shook his head. "Oh-no. This can't be good"

**...**

**Amy and Morgan were sitting on the couch, playing cards. Eric walked in with a girl. "Hi, Mom. Hey, Weez."**

" **Hey, Eric," Amy responded with a smile.**

" **Hi, Eric. Hi, new girlfriend."**

" **Oh, ignore her. When she was born, the doctor had to pry her little foot out of her big mouth," he told the teenage girl.**

"And when you were born, the doctor must have dropped you," Morgan shot back.

"Funny. I get that one a lot."

**Amy walked over to the girl and held her hand out. "Hi, I'm the mom. It's nice to meet you."**

" **Hi."**

" **My name's Morgan and I'm five and a half."**

" **Well, my name is Linda and I'm fifteen and three-quarters."**

" **I like her!" Morgan decided.**

**Amy questioned, "You guys want something to eat?"**

" **Sure. Could you, uh…" He motioned his head towards his little sister.**

" **Uh, Morgan, honey, I could really, really use your help in the kitchen."**

" **Well, you're just going to have to be more independent, 'cause I want to stay and talk to Linda."**

"I liked Linda. What happened to her?" Morgan questioned.

Eric put his hand on his heart. "She left me for the captain of the football team."

"Good for her," Cory responded, teasingly. "I'm sure she's much happier."

" **So...you think I'm a new girlfriend, do you?"**

" **Uh-huh."**

" **Uh, guys, could we talk about, like, anything else?" Eric asked.**

Joshua criticized, "Way to be obvious that you have something to hide."

" **Are there a lot of old girlfriends?"**

" **Billions."**

**Eric pinched his nose. "Does anyone else have that real sharp pain behind their eyes? I know I do."**

" **Well, I don't think I'm a new girlfriend. Your brother told me that he just wanted to study with me."**

" **Oh, please. You're going to fall for that one?"**

**Amy walked in. "Major snackage is now being served in the main dining room."**

**Morgan pulled Linda's hand. "Come on, it's getting cold."**

" **It's ice cream."**

" **Come on, it's getting warm!"**

" **So, isn't it about time Morgan got her own apartment?" Eric asked his mom.**

"Personally, I think I'm one of the reasons why she decided to date you in the first place. It's not the first time I helped you get a girlfriend," Morgan told him with a smug look.

**As the two went to the kitchen, Alan and Cory entered the home. "Whoa. That bike is fast."**

" **I heard your engine groaning on that last hill, Dad."**

**Amy came back into the living room. "Were you two racing?"**

" **No, no. I was just rushing home, and Dad happened to see me and tried to catch up."**

" **Racing."**

" **Hurrying in a manly fashion," Alan corrected.**

" **Now, why were you rushing to get home? I think you'd stay around school a while and show off your new bike."**

" **Oh, I couldn't wait to tell you. Mr. Feeny and I made a bet that I can teach Social Studies better than he can. I'm gonna be the teacher for the rest of the week. Isn't that great?"**

" **Cory, you barely manage a C-plus in social studies," Amy reminded him. "How you gonna teach it?"**

"A C-plus?" Lucas repeated in surprise. "And here I always thought you did well in school."

" **Hey, Mom. The book does all the teaching. Feeny's just Vanna White pointing to the letters." He did a hand gesture like Vanna White does on Wheel of Fortune.**

" **What exactly did you two high rollers bet?" Alan questioned.**

" **Well, I put up my bike."**

" **What? I just bought you that bike!"**

" **Relax, Dad. Feeny's the one who's going to lose big."**

" **What did Mr. Feeny put up against your bike, his garden weasel?" Amy asked.**

" **One-fifth of his weekly paycheck, 'cause I'm teaching one of his five classes. And come Friday, I'm rich!" He walked upstairs.**

"If he earns 40,000 dollars a year, and there's 50 school weeks in a year, then that's only two hundred dollars for you," Farkle calculated.

"Of course you know how many school weeks are in a year," Maya replied. "And two hundred dollars is still a lot of money. Well, maybe not to the boy with rich parents. Anyways, Matthews what do you say you and me make things interesting," Maya said, turning her attention to Cory.

"Maya, you know this isn't gonna end well, right Mr. Feeny?" Riley replied.

"Why don't we just keep watching and see." Feeny replied with his own knowing smile.

" **Why does Feeny want that bike?" Alan questioned, upset.**

" **Oh, Alan, obviously, this is one of those Mr. Feeny lesson things." She walked away, but Alan held onto her wrist.**

"So that's where you get that from," Maya groaned.

"Maya, you already knew that," Cory replied.

"Yeah but it's weird seeing it."

" **Well, what if the lesson is 'I want that bike'?"**

"Do you really think a grown man would want a kid's bike?" Cory asked. He laughed as he pictured Feeny riding a way-too-small bicycle.

…

**Cory walked up to George in the history classroom. "Now, I'm really in charge. You're not going to call the bet off if I do things a teensy bit different from the way you would?"**

"Isn't that the point of the bet?" Amy pointed out.

"It's Cory. He's probably planning on everybody shooting hoops in class," Jonathan told him.

"I doubt that," Amy responded. "I think Cory's a little more responsible than that."

Cory scratched the back of his neck. "Actually…"

" **We made a bet, Mr. Matthews. It's your class. They are your minds to mold."**

" **Cool!" Cory nodded his head. "Good morning, class. For the rest of the week, I'm gonna be your social studies teacher."**

"Poor kids," Katy teased.

" **Mr. Feeny? What's going on?" Stuart asked.**

" **Don't ask me. He's the man in charge," George responded.**

" **That's right, Minkus, my boy. Me." Cory held spread his arms out and grinned. "I'm your teacher and my name is...Hey...Dude," he said as he wrote the words on the chalkboard. "That alright with you, George?"**

Maya laughed before saying, "I will now only refer to you as 'hey dude' in class."

Cory sighed, already imagining his life after all his secrets were revealed.

" **Mi clase es su clase."**

"My clause is its clause?" Riley translated.

Maya tilted her head slightly to the left. "This is why you're not doing well in Spanish."

" **And you guys know that rule about no baseball caps in class? History." Cory put his red hat on as the students responded in approval. Topanga raised her hand. "Yeah, Topanga?"**

" **If we're going to eliminate the cap rule, can we also discard the dress code in its entirety?"**

" **Why? You're not thinking about showing up...like, naked tomorrow, are you?"**

Maya's eyes widened at the unexpected comment. "Just so I'm not taken off guard, we're not going to see you naked in this, right?"

"No...Well, maybe later on," Topanga replied with a chuckle.

"Oh, boy."

" **No. Although I find nothing shameful about nudity. I was thinking about wearing garments from cultures more in tune with the goddess. A sari, perhaps, or a pareo."**

" **Yeah, fine. As long as you're covered up."**

"I think you have a much different opinion on me being naked now," Topanga said with a faint laugh.

Riley cringed, reaching over to cover her ears dramatically, "Ew, gross."

" **People, People, People. Are we going to do our Social Studies work today?" Minkus questioned.**

" **Minkus, Minkus, Minkus. Shut up," Shawn shot back.**

**Cory was sitting at the teacher's desk with one foot on the desk. "Ok, guys, for homework tonight, uh, read the first thirty pages in whatever that book was that George assigned us yesterday."**

" **But that was the assignment last night," Stuart reminded him.**

" **Minkus! Not long ago, I was a student myself, and I remember that sixth-graders don't always do their homework, so this way, everyone gets a second chance."**

" **Excuse me, Mr. Hey Dude, but I did my homework."**

" **Minkus, get a life. That's your homework assignment. Get a life."**

" _Now_ who has a life, Cory?" Stuart asked with a smug smirk.

"At least my wife isn't terrifying!" He looked at Topanga. "Well, maybe she's a little terrifying.

Shawn questioned, "What? Who married _him_?"

Cory panicked and answered, "Nobody."

…

**Cory ran into the kitchen where his dad was. "I'm the greatest teacher in the history of the universe."**

"And still am!" Cory replied, sitting up straighter and tilting his head for the praises. Crickets sounded in the theater as the attention of the theater never left the screen.

" **It went that well, huh?"**

" **By the end of the day, it was one big class party."**

" **Well, what was Mr. Feeny doing during this party?"**

" **Shawn was teaching him how to play poker for gum."**

Eric glanced at Feeny with a wide grin and said, "Oh, please tell me we get to see that."

" **Well, when did you actually teach the lesson?"**

" **I told you, Dad. The teacher doesn't really do anything. You read the book, you pass the test."**

" **Did you read the book?"**

" **I skimmed it."**

" **Well, what was it about?"**

" **It was about the Nazis and the Jews...a long time ago. When there was prejudice and stuff."**

Farkle shifted in his seat and looked down. Stuart noticed and placed a comforting hand on his son's shoulder, resulting in a thankful smile from Farkle.

" **A long time ago."**

" **Yeah. The stuff** _ **is**_ **history, Dad."**

" **Uh, Cory, not that I suddenly think your bike is in like, real significant danger here, but...could you give me the details of this bet again?"**

" **Ok. Based on the way he grades, if more students than usual pass the test, then I win."**

" **Based on the way he grades."**

" **Right."**

" **Well how does he grade?"**

" **Huh?"**

" **Does he grade on a curve?"**

" **Huh?"**

" **Feeny's gonna score pretty high, right?"**

" **He wrote the test."**

" **Cory, figure it out. He grades on the curve. The higher he scores, the more kids are gonna fail."**

" **What does that mean?"**

" **That means your bike is gone."**

Maya nodded slowly, not fully following the conversation. "I still have no idea what any of that means, but it sounds like you're going to lose your bike."

"Not if he steps up and actually starts teaching the class," Riley responded. "He's a great teacher now, so maybe he was a great teacher then."

…

" **Look, you have to help me get the class back under control," Cory told Shawn.**

" **Hey, you're the one who let it get out of control."**

" **Well, you're the one playing poker with Feeny."**

" **Lighten up, man. You're starting to sound like a teacher."**

"I guess I was always destined to be a teacher," Cory chuckled.

**Cory walked to his desk as the bell rang. "Uh, Topanga, what are you doing?"**

" **Moving my desk out of the way. I've decided that I'd rather sit on a traditional yoga cushion."**

**Cory noticed Stuart moving his desk forward as well. "Oh, come on, Minkus. Don't tell me you want to sit on a yogurt cushion!"**

Angela shook her head. "Yogurt? You've got to be kidding me."

"And people," he shot a look at Topanga, "think I'm the dumber one!"

" **No. You told me to get a life. Now I'm gonna be as fun as the next guy." He sat on his bouncy ball.**

" **Ok. I know things got a little loose here yesterday, but we've got a test day after tomorrow, and it's time to get down to business." The class ignored him and continued throwing things around. "Ok, let's start with the roll call. Uh, Lawrence, Topanga."**

Stuart sighed. "Oh, dear. It's even worse than I remember."

" **I'm channeling," she said as she was in a meditative position. "I will only answer to the name…" She growled.**

Riley's eyes were fixated on the screen. She cleared her throat. "Ok. So, Mom was once possessed by a demon. Cool."

**Cory stared at her, bewildered. "Ok, present, but not all here. Uh, Hunter, Shawn. Hunter, Shawn!"**

" **Out of my face. I'm stacking the deck."**

" **Hey, where's Mr. Feeny? I mean, George."**

**George walked into the classroom, wearing a baseball outfit. "Hey, dude. Sorry I'm late. I was chillin' with my homies. I'm in," he said as he sat down to play poker.**

"Wait, were you trying to act like me?" Cory questioned. "That is not how I acted."

"That is exactly how you acted," George disputed.

" **Minkus, this is Social Studies! Stop making those paper turkeys!"**

" **They're flamingoes, and quit calling me Minkus! You call everyone else by their first name, so start calling me Stuart."**

**The camera shot back to Feeny. "I see your Juicy Fruit, and I raise you a Chiclet."**

**Cory sat at his desk with a defeated look.**

"I hope you treasured your bike while you had it," Rachel told Cory.

…

**Alan walked into the living room. "Still reading that book, huh, Cor?"**

" **Just trying to prepare for class. You know, this teaching stuff isn't as easy as it looks."**

" **It's not, huh?"**

" **Nope. Nobody in class will pay any attention to me."**

Maya laughed before saying, "Kind of like your class now, huh?"

" **Well, maybe that's because you tried to be their pal instead of their teacher. Maybe you need to set yourself apart from the class, be more authoritative."**

" **How do I do that?"**

" **How does Feeny do it?"**

" **I don't know. I never paid attention."**

**Eric and a sniffling Linda entered the house. "Come on, let's go sit on the couch, all right?"**

" **Eric?"**

" **I got it, Cor." He wrapped his arms around Linda. "Everything is going to be ok, all right?"**

" **Eric?"**

" **Look, I'll talk to you later, Cor."**

**Amy entered through the back door, holding Morgan's hand. "Oh, it's getting chilly out there."**

" **Linda! Linda!" Morgan shouted as she ran to the girl. She noticed her crying and softened her expression. "What's wrong with Linda?"**

" **Some jerk at the mall called her a bad name," Eric explained.**

Riley took in a sharp breath as she watched the scene with teary eyes. She felt her heart break for the girl. Linda seemed like such a nice girl. How could someone call her a derogatory term?

" **Where? Our mall?" Cory questioned.**

" **What did he call you?" Morgana asked.**

**She responded, "Oh, it's not important, Morgan."**

" **In our mall, right here?"**

" **A boy at my daycare once called me poo-poo head."**

"What a jerk," Josh said, lightly laughing.

" **Thanks, Morgan."**

**Eric looked up at Amy. "Mom."**

" **Come on, Morgan. Let's make some hot cocoa for everybody."**

**Eric hugged Linda. "Man, some people can be total idiots."**

" **This happened today?"**

**...**

**Cory walked into school, wearing a suit and tie. Shawn took notice of this. "Hey, Mr. GQ. Nice neckwear."**

" **Excellent Windsor knot. Did your mom tie it?" Stuart asked.**

" **Minkus...Stuart, I need your help. You're the smartest kid in class, and maybe if you pay attention to me, some of the other kids will."**

"Ah, yes, because I was so popular in class," Stuart said with sarcasm.

" **Why should I help you? You made fun of Mr. Feeny and said he gets paid too much."**

" **Hey, dude. Ooh, that suit. It's not cool," George said as he entered.**

" **Class, I'd like to talk to you today about prejudice and how it still exists in today's world. I didn't even know that till last night when I saw a real smart, totally cool Asian girl, crying her eyes out because some idiot at the mall called her a bad name. My lesson for today is that when people treat other people badly because of their skin color or their religion or where they come from, then real smart, totally cool people can really suffer."**

Maya and Riley looked at eachother, then at Cory. "Woah…" The girls were surprised by Cory using Linda's story to teach.

"Even then you used other people's life problems to teach a life lesson," Maya commented.

" **Hey, George, this isn't gum. These are Rolaids," Shawn complained.**

" **Deal me out of this one, Mr. Hunter."**

" **What? Why?"**

**Cory put his hands up. "Ok. You win. I'm a crummy teacher and I resign." He started walking towards the door but stopped. "Hey, Shawn, before your mother got married, what was her name again?"**

" **Cordini."**

" **Cordini. So, that would make you a wop, right?"**

**Shawn got up from his chair. "What did you call me?"**

"Ooh, are you going to hit him?" Maya asked.

Cory looked at the girl with his mouth open. "I don't like how excitedly you said that."

" **You heard what I called you."**

"Wait, so you didn't realize that prejudice still existed, and yet you knew some Italian slur that I've never heard of?" Katy queried.

Cory replied, "Well, I guess I knew it still existed somewhat. I just thought it wasn't a prevalent thing."

" **Did you hear what he called me?"**

" **I heard what he called you," Feeny replied.**

" **What are you gonna do about it?"**

" **He's the teacher. What are you gonna do about it?"**

**Shawn pushed Cory at the door. "I'm gonna knock his head off!"**

"You know, you tried to fight me a lot," Cory pointed out.

Shawn gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry?"

**Cory stopped him. "What if you couldn't? What if you couldn't do anything about it?"**

" **What?"**

" **What if you lived in a country where I could kill you just because of your mom's last name?"**

" **Cory, what are you talking about?"**

" **A fifteen-year-old girl is dead! Doesn't anybody care?"**

" **Cory—"**

" **She was real smart and totally cool. She wrote this book. Her name was Anne Frank. They say she died of Typhus, but they killed her because her name was Anne Frank. Anne Frank was a victim of anti-semeyetism."**

Jonathan tilted his head. "Close enough."

" **Anti-Semitism," George corrected.**

" **Thank you, Mr. Feeny. You have to read this book, and you have to pass this test. Not because of me, but because when someone calls someone else a bad name, it's not good that just that one person jumps up. We all have to jump up." He read from the book, "In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart."**

"Still believe that Matthews?" Maya asked.

"I do." Cory replied.

…

" **So, what's the verdict? Am I riding the bus to school from now on?"**

" **No. The same number of students passed the test as usual. It's a draw. You get to keep your bike."**

" **Good." Cory started to leave but turned. "You mean some people still failed?"**

" **It happens no matter how good of a teacher you are."**

" **Sorry to hear that. I guess I didn't do such a good job."**

" **On the contrary, Mr. Matthews. You did an excellent job. Mr. Hunter, for instance, got a full grade higher than he usually does. Somehow you must have gotten his attention."**

Jack smiled and said, "Wow. Shawn got a D?"

"Very funny," Shawn told him, unamused.

" **Shawn got a B? At least one guy learned something from me this week."**

" **Two."**

" **Two? Who else?"**

" **You, Mr. Matthews."**

" **But how do you know? I didn't even take the test."**

" **You didn't have to. Do you really think that I could've gotten you to read** _ **The Diary of Anne Frank**_ **?"**

" **Even if you did, Mr. Feeny, I still wouldn't have understood it without you. People just don't understand that about us teachers."**

" **That's all right, Mr. Matthews. In time, one learns to live with the lack of respect, unruly students, and minuscule pay. Rolaid?"**

…

**Eric entered the house. "Hey, Mom. Guess what? This Saturday night I got a date with a cheerleader."**

" **What happened to Linda? She was so sweet and I was really liking her."**

" **Ma, Linda is the cheerleader. She made the team."**

" **Oh, that's great."**

" **Mhmm. I'm dating a popular girl all because I was smart enough to get in on the ground floor."**

" **Cheerleading is such a great experience for a girl. You know, I was a cheerleader."**

" **They had them back then?"**

" **Yes, back then when the football was made out of a rock. Let's see, my big cheer was...Bo-bo skideeten dooten. Lincoln High, yay! Itten-bitten, ditten-witten. Bo-bo skideeten dooten. Which diddly oten-doten. Bo-bo skideeten dooten. Lincoln High, yay!"**

Maya covered her mouth to prevent a snicker. "I see where Riley gets her cheerleading...skills."

" **Cute."**

" **Thank you."**

" **Dated, unbelievably uncool, but cute." The doorbell rang. "Mom, cheerleading isn't that rah-rah stuff anymore. It's cool, you know. It's, it's cutting edge."**

" **Hi," Linda said.**

" **Hi."**

**Amy walked over to them and hugged Linda. "Hey, congratulations. You made the squad."**

" **Thanks, I just had my first practice today."**

" **Why don't you show my mom something you learned, so at least she knows what's going on nowadays?"**

" **Ok, sure. Bo-bo skideeten dooten. Adams High, yay! Itten-bitten, ditten-witten. Bo-bo skideeten dooten. Which biddly oten-doten. Bo-bo skideeten dooten. Adams High, yay!"**

"I guess it's not-so outdated," Alan commented.

Eric nodded and responded, "That doesn't make it good."

" **All right! Yeah!" Eric cheered.**

" **So, what do you think?" she asked him.**

" **See it's, it's cutting edge."**

"Well, that was an interesting episode." Maya turned to her left to see a crying Riley. She raised her eyebrows but ignored it.

Isadora agreed, "I enjoyed seeing you teaching for the first time. Your skills haven't improved."

"Izz, we talked about this," Zay told her.

Riley wiped her eyes. "I think your skills have improved. You're a great teacher, Dad."

"I learned from the best," Cory said, looking at Feeny with an appreciative expression.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how there's so many plot holes in this show, and yet, they remember that the high school is called (John) Adams High in the cheer.
> 
> So, I have a question. There's a lot of episodes that I want to do, but there's too many for the group to watch in one day. Should I mention them leaving after a certain amount of episodes and coming back, or should I just ignore it?
> 
> Next episode: Santa's Little Helper (Not to be confused with Santa's Little Helpers. Why did they make two episodes with such similar-sounding names?


	6. Santa's Little Helper (1x10)

" **And it was always said of Scrooge that he knew how to keep Christmas well if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us. And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless us, everyone," Mr. Feeny read from his book as Cory and Shawn were goofing around in their seats.**

Riley shook her head at the screen. "I'm starting to think you never paid attention in class."

"That's not true, Miss Matthews," George told her. Cory smiled thankfully before George continued, "He paid attention once or twice."

" **And so ends Dickens' masterpiece,** _ **A Christmas Carol**_ **."**

" **Wait a minute," Shawn spoke up. "That's not the end. Where's the Grinch?"**

"That's another one of your jokes, right, Hunter?" Jonathan turned to see Shawn looking back at him sheepishly. The man sighed as kid Cory agreed with kid Shawn.

" **How come it's called** _ **A Christmas Carol**_ **, anyway?" Shawn queried.**

**Cory added, "Yeah, there was nobody in this story named Carol."**

**George ignored the two boys. "Miss Lawrence, would you please trade places with Mr. Matthews?"**

" **All right. I'm a hyperactive, under-achieving, 11-year-old boy," Topanga said with her eyes closed.**

Lucas put on a playful smirk. "True love right there."

" **I meant physically," George clarified.**

" **Oh, well, that takes less of a psychic toll."**

" **Why do I have to move?" Cory asked.**

" **We were just giving our view of the book," Shawn defended.**

" **Yeah, I mean you say literary masterpiece, we say ehhh!" They put their thumbs down.**

" **Mr. Matthews, I'm less interested in your review than I am that you understand the material. What, in your opinion, was Mr. Dickens trying to express in his Christmas story?"**

" **That if you're a real butthead, then neat ghosts will take you to cool places."**

**George put his thumb down a made a buzzer-like noise as Cory and Shawn did earlier.**

"Ok, but were you _really_ wrong?" Maya questioned.

"Yes," Jonathan informed her adamantly.

…

**Cory held his lunch in his hand. "Fish and sticks. Two things nature never would've put together. What'd you get?"**

" **Peanut butter and jelly. Two things nature couldn't keep apart," Shawn responded**

" **Since when did your mom pack you lunch? I thought you liked fish sticks."**

Shawn's eyes widened as he remembered what would happen in this "episode." At least this won't be nearly as hard of a memory to watch as other memories dealing with his home life are.

" **I do, but I think it's cruel how the little fish scream when they rip their sticks off," Shawn answered as Cory looked at his fish stick in disgust.**

"I know you weren't the brightest kid, but how did you think fish sticks were an actual part of a fish?" Jack questioned his younger brother.

"It's probably just an excuse to hide something deeper," Maya predicted and looked to her right for confirmation from her dad. He slowly nodded.

**Minkus walked up to the lunch table with his paper bag. "May I sit down?"**

" **No," the two boys said in unison.**

" **Well, since you're ambivalent," he sat down. "Ah, Christmas, season of togetherness, season of brotherhood."**

**Cory shook his finger. "Season of wool. Nine out of ten Christmas gifts: wool. It doesn't matter if it's shaped like socks or a sweater, it's wool and it's itchy."**

"So that's why I never got that really cute wool sweater I asked for when I was seven," Riley realized.

Cory grinned. "And you're welcome for that. A wool-free life is a good life."

" **The gift isn't as important as the thought behind it."**

" **What's the thought behind wool? This kid doesn't scratch enough?"**

**Topanga joined them. "I agree with Stuart."**

" **Oh no. It's a nerd swarm. Minkus, shut off your geek magnet," Shawn told the boy.**

" **I just think we often lose sight of the true meaning of Christmas in the frenzy of commercialism," Topanga commented.**

" **What are you talking about? How are we gonna know what to ask for if we don't have commercials?" Cory responded.**

**"Christmas is the celebration of the winter solstice, an ancient tribal ritual whose origins are lost in time."**

Eric corrected, "Actually, according to _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ , it's about the birth of Jesus."

"I don't disagree, but _A Charlie Brown Christmas_ is where you get that knowledge from, really?" Rachel pointed out.

" **Yeah, we were just talking about that in the bathroom. Listen, Topanga, I think I can hear them back into your own dimension." Shawn held his hand to his ear.**

**Cory copied him. "Oh, yeah, they're saying, 'Topanga, get your aura back here.'"**

"' **And bring Minkus.'"**

**Topanga and Stuart left them alone. Cory turned to Shawn. "Ok, Christmas tree update. I think I got my real leather NBA Regulation basketball."**

" **Cool. Major gift."**

" **So major a gift, I've been saving up to get my gift a gift."**

" **What do you get the basketball who has everything?"**

**Cory held up a five-dollar bill. "A five dollar top of the line imitation nylon net."**

"I am not an expert in sports equipment, but I don't believe a five-dollar net is 'top of the line,'" Isadora pointed out.

" **You have five bucks?"**

" **I've been saving up for a month."**

" **Let's go buy it after school."**

" **No, you see, then I tip off my parents that I know what I'm getting."**

Amy looked at her son. She told him, "Oh, we know anyways. You aren't subtle or good at pretending."

" **You are a Yuletide master."**

" **Christmas is very delicate. You screw up...wool. So, what's the update are your house?"**

" **Me? Hey, Bob Stubcheck's Sports World has to send over a truck with all the stuff my dad got me. He got me like, everything."**

" **That's great."**

Maya asked, shocked, "You bought that?"

"In my defense, I was eleven and this was one of the first times I got a deeper look into Shawn's home life," Cory replied.

" **Yeah. My dad totally came through this year."**

**Stuart came back to the pair. "Speaking of gifts, I believe you haven't yet chipped in your five dollars for the class present to Mr. Feeny."**

" **Tomorrow."**

" **You said that yesterday."**

" **Come on, Shawn, don't think of it as five dollars for Feeny's present. Think of it as five bucks to make Minkus go away."**

Stuart rolled his eyes at the young boy. "You two were just as mean as I remembered."

"In our defense, you were mean to us too. You called me a trogla-whatever, remember?" Shawn disputed.

"It's troglodyte and you guys said most of the rude remarks."

" **Look, Minkus, I just spent my last money on lunch, okay? I'll give it to you tomorrow." He got up and left.**

**Stuart picked up Shawn's brown paper bag. "What? His mother charged him a packing fee?"**

**Cory had a confused expression on his face as Stuart left.**

"I don't know why I didn't pick up on that before Stuart mentioned it," Cory said. "I guess when I was younger I used to ignore Shawn's home life. Whether it was little things like that or bigger things like Chet chasing after Virna."

**...**

**Alan sighed as he plugged in the Christmas lights that were hung on the Christmas tree. They turned on for a few seconds before turning off. He attempted to fix it with a tired look on his face.**

**Amy entered through the front door with Morgan. "Hi."**

" **Hey! Did you have fun at the mall?"**

" **I don't think I'd call it fun," Amy replied, putting a bag on the chair.**

**Alan walked towards Morgan. "Well, hi, pumpkin. I bet you had fun. Did you get your picture taken with Santa Claus?" he asked as Amy made a motion with her arms to stop him from finishing his sentence. Morgan ran up the stairs, screaming all the way.**

Alan fondly smiled. "I almost forgot about that."

"I didn't," Morgan told her dad. "You never forget the day you almost killed a man."

"Uh, can I get some context to that?" Angela asked.

" **I tried to tell you."**

" **I didn't know that," he made the same criss-cross motion with his arms that she did earlier, "meant 'don't mention Santa.' What happened?"**

" **Ugh," Amy put her hands on her cheeks. "Well, Morgan was waiting in line to sit on Santa's lap, and she was kind of nervous and there was this elf who looked like a hitman, only meaner…"**

" **What? Did Santa scare her?"**

" **No, no. He just this nice old man with a jolly red face. You know, looking back, his face really was too red. I mean, I just thought he was overheated. Velvet is a fabric that doesn't breathe."**

" **Amy, what happened?"**

" **Well, ok, so, Morgan climbs up on Santa's lap, and he asks her what she wants, and she says a Suzie homemaker oven, and then he grabbed his chest, yelled 'Ruldoph,' and fell over."**

Josh chuckled at the story. "Now I know why Mom was hesitant to bring me to see Santa."

**Alan started laughing and covered his mouth. "Are we talking eight reindeer pulling a pine box?"**

" **No, no. I think he's alright. I mean, the hitman elf gave him CPR while Mrs. Claus called the paramedics. Alan, it isn't funny! Morgan thinks she killed Santa Claus."**

" **Well, did you tell her that he's ok?"**

" **Of course I did. I said he was just resting and he'd be fine."**

" **Well, maybe you could take her to visit him in the hospital."**

" **I really don't think it'll help her to see Santa Claus with a tube stuck up his nose."**

**Eric walked down the stairs. "Hey, what's with the weasel? She locked herself in the bathroom and she's singing, 'On the first day of Christmas, I murdered Santa Claus.'"**

Katy said apologetically, "I know that must've been very traumatizing for you, but that is the funniest thing I've heard all day."

" **I'll go check on her!" Amy told him.**

**Cory ran inside and checked the presents under the tree as Alan repeatedly greeted Cory, only to be ignored.**

**Eric leaned toward Alan. "Dad, there's no reaching him when he's taking inventory."**

**Cory picked up a gift. "Yes! A new arrival." He shook it and his smile dropped along with the present. "It's wool."**

**Alan got up from where he was sitting. "You know, Cor, when I was a kid, Christmas was about appreciating your gifts because they're given with love."**

" **Love, right. Glad that's over. Ok, three new gifts and only one sounds itchy. I'm going to go tell Shawn."**

" **Whoa, whoa. Wait a minute, where are you going?"**

" **To call Shawn."**

" **I don't think it'd be such a good idea to exaggerate about the gifts you're getting."**

" **I have to just to keep up."**

" **What do you mean?"**

" **I mean, Bob Stubcheck's Sports World has been moved. It's new location? Under Shawn's tree."**

Topanga shook her head at the younger version of her husband. "And here I thought you knew he lying once Stuart pointed out that his mother packed his lunch."

" **You know, I think Shawn may have been exaggerating a little bit."**

" **Dad, it's Christmas. You're supposed to exaggerate. I'm gonna tell him I got five presents under the tree."**

"Oh brother," Topanga sighed.

**Alan held Cory's arm so he couldn't leave. "You know, I don't think Shawn's gonna be having much of a Christmas this year."**

" **Why not?"**

" **Shawn's dad got laid off."**

Jack frowned. His parents got him plenty of gifts every year. He never had to worry about not having a present-filled Christmas. It hurt him to think just how different (and not in a good way) Shawn's life was compared to his own. He had a hunch that he was going to be feeling this way a lot as he watched his younger brother's childhood.

" **Shawn's dad lost his job?"**

" **Yeah. I guess he was just too embarrassed to tell you."**

Cory look at Shawn with a somber expression. "I just realized, did your dad ever get fired before without my knowledge?"

"Multiple times, yes, but never around Christmas."

" **But I'm his best friend… So that's why his mom's packing his lunch. Shawn's not getting anything for Christmas, just like Tiny Tim in that story about Carol."**

"I'm surprised you even knew there was a character named Tiny Tim in the story," Farkle commented.

" **I don't think it quite that bad."**

" **Dad, can I give him one of the presents so at least he has something?"**

" **Hey, that'd be really nice, Cor."**

" **Ok. How about one of Eric's?"**

Eric gave Cory a wide-eyed look. "Hey!"

"What? Dad made me put it back," Cory defended.

…

**Eric and Amy were outside the bathroom door in Cory and Eric's bedroom. Morgan was inside the closed bathroom, singing at the top of her lungs. "We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas! We wish you a Merry Christmas!"**

" **Morgan, if you come out, I'll let you play with my makeup," Amy bribed.**

" **And a happy new year!" Morgan finished singing.**

**Eric knocked on the door. "Morgan, come out. Santa's fine."**

" **No, he's not," Morgan argued.**

" **Well, then how come he just called me on the phone?"**

" **He did?"**

" **Yup."**

" **What did he say?"**

" **He said, 'Ho ho h— ohh! Ohh!" Eric told her, mimicking a heart attack.**

Eric laughed at his younger-self's joke, while Morgan shook her head. Eric noticed her expression. "Oh, come on. It was funny."

**Amy hit him. "Stop it."**

" **He said you've been a very, very good girl and I should give you something really special."**

" **Like what?"**

**Amy whispered to Eric, "Whatever you tell her, she's gonna want it the second you open that door."**

**Eric looked around for a possible gift. "How about my new flannel shirt that you lie so much?"**

**Morgan opened the door, grabbed the shirt, and closed the door.**

"You never gave me that shirt back," Eric pointed out.

"And you'll never get it back."

…

**Cory was in the yard with a big gift in his hands. Shawn walked up to him. Cory presented him with the gift. "Ta-da!"**

"Oh boy," Shawn mumbled.

" **What?"**

" **For you."**

" **What is it?"**

" **Open it. For you, from me."**

" **It's not gonna blow up, is it?"**

Cory questioned, "That's what you would do, isn't it?"

"He does love blowing stuff up," Alan replied.

"I resent that," Shawn said as he crossed his arms. "You blow something up one time…"

"To be fair, the average amount of things a person will blow up in their lifetime is probably zero," Cory told him.

" **Open it! Open it!" Cory ripped the present from Shawn's hands. "Here. Let me open it. A real leather NBA-certified, dribbles like a dream basketball! I'm giving it to you. Don't you love me?"**

" **Why'd you give this to me?"**

"' **Cause it's Christmas."**

" **So? We never give each other stuff for Christmas."**

" **Yeah, but this year's kind of different."**

" **Why?"**

" **Well... because."**

" **Because why?"**

" **Because you're my best friend."**

" **But I wasn't last year."**

"I guess not," Maya agreed jokingly.

" **No you were, it's just—"**

" **Cory, best friends don't lie to each other."**

"Well, look who's a hypocrite," Zay pointed out.

" **Ok. Look, Shawn, I gave you this because I didn't think you'd be getting that many gifts this year."**

" **Hey, I told you. I'm getting a ton of stuff. I don't need a basketball. My dad already got me two."**

" **Look, Shawn, best friends don't lie to each other."**

" **What are you talking about?"**

" **I know about your dad getting laid off." George is seen in the background, doing yard work.**

"I assume you're going to give some of your great Feeny advice to him?" Eric said to his former teacher.

"I always do."

" **Says who?"**

" **Says my dad."**

" **Oh, so what'd you do, go tell everyone?"**

Cory frowned before questioning, "Is that really what you thought I'd do?"

"No, I was just upset...You think irrationally when you're upset and insecure."

" **No. I didn't tell anyone. Look, Shawn, I'm trying to give you a nice gift so you don't have a Tiny Tim Christmas and you're acting like you're mad at me."**

" **Oh, so I'm supposed to be all happy that you gave me some bogus gift?"**

" **That's not a bogus gift. That's a totally major gift. It was my best gift, and I was nice enough to give it to you."**

" **Yeah. Well, keep it." Shawn threw the ball at Cory. "I don't want your basketball."**

" **Would you rather have something for Christmas than nothing at all?"**

" **I'd rather have nothing for Christmas than your lousy charity." He hit the ball in Cory's hand, making it fall. Shawn started walking away.**

**Cory followed him. "Hey, Shawn, Christmas is about charity. You should be thanking me!" Shawn left and George Feeny walked closer to Cory, who asked him, "Boy, where's his Christmas spirit? Where's his gratitude? I can name one sixth-grader who wasn't paying attention to** _ **A Christmas Carol.**_ "

Jonathan leaned into George. "Name rhymes with Shmory."

" **I can name one, too, Mr. Matthews."**

" **Yeah, Shawn."**

" **Cory."**

**Cory laughed lightly. "No, I'm Cory. You've been calling me Mr. Matthews for so long, you must've forgot."**

" **Believe me, I know who you are. I also know that a true gift is given with no expectation."**

" **What's that mean?"**

" **It means you gave the gift to get the thanks."**

" **I gave the guy my official NBA, genuine leather basketball, and he threw it back in my face. What kind of friend is that?"**

" **You know what I like most about Christmas?"**

" **I go away for a week?"**

" **Yeah, that's pretty special. But it's the time of year that you can think back and appreciate the real gifts you received."**

Most of the audience nodded, taking in George's wise words.

" **I don't get it."**

" **Friendship, for example, is a real gift. And it's given with no expectation and no gratitude is necessary, not between real friends. You think about that."**

…

**Amy came down the stairs, sighing. "We finally got Morgan out of the bathroom."**

" **Great. How'd you do it?" Alan asked.**

" **Psychology." Morgan walked down the stairs while wearing a multitude of accessories such as ties, necklaces, sunglasses, bows, and Eric's shirt. "And bribery."**

Josh grinned and teased, "Nice look, Morg."

" **What happened to that mean elf?" Morgan inquired.**

" **Oh, he went back to the North Pole with Santa," Alan told her.**

" **I think he was mad at me."**

" **No. He wasn't mad at you."**

" **Then how come he called me a demon child?"**

**Amy wrapped her arm around her daughter. "Well, he's gone now and you don't ever, ever have to worry about him again."**

**Someone knocked on the door, and Morgan got up saying, "I'll get it." The hitman elf was at the door. She ran up the steps, screaming.**

Maya opened her mouth slightly in an O shape. "Now I get why you called him a hitman."

" **Mr. Matthews?" the elf called with a Brooklyn accent.**

"Yeesh. He even sounds like a hitman."

" **Yeah?"**

" **I'm the elf."**

" **No kidding."**

" **I came to return your wife's money she paid for a picture with Santa. She never got it."**

Riley had a bewildered expression. "How did he even get your address?"

" **Uh, excuse me. You called my little girl a demon child?"**

" **Hey, all I know is one minute Santa's all jolly, jingling his bells, the next minute, your kid sits on his lap, ba-da-bing, ba-da-boom! Heart attack. Coincidence? I don't think so." Alan shut the door in his face. "Yeah? Merry stinking Christmas to you, too, pal!"**

"Maybe don't tick off a hitman-looking elf that knows your address?" Katy suggested with a light laugh.

…

**Cory was in this cafeteria, picking at his food, as Shawn entered. They stared at each other before Shawn sat at another table. Stuart walked up to Shawn. "Shawn, it's tomorrow."**

" **What are you talking about?"**

" **I'm talking about the class present. You still haven't paid your five dollars."**

" **Fine, I'll give it to you. I just don't have it on me, ok?"**

" **I'm going to buy the present tonight, so today is the last day you have to give me the money."**

" **I said I'll give it to you."**

" **If you don't give me five dollars right now, I'm not going to put your name on the card and the entire sixth grade of Jefferson Elementary is going to know you're a deadbeat."**

"That's a bit harsh," Riley commented in a low voice.

" **Fine, then I am. Ok?" Shawn got up and left.**

**Cory walked over to Stuart. "Minkus, leave him alone. He doesn't have the money."**

" **He doesn't?"**

" **No."**

" **Oh. That puts me in an awkward position. I can't put his name on the card if he doesn't give me the money. Rules are rules. I'm the class treasurer, an elected official. They could subpoena my diaries."**

Shawn snickered. "Nobody wants to read your diaries."

"Really? I have excerpts of my diary in my new, New York Times bestseller book _Minkus the Genius_. Do you have a New York Times bestseller?" Stuart countered.

"No, and if I did, the title wouldn't be so self-praising."

Stuart shrugged. "Hey, it rhymes."

" **Um, look...A couple weeks ago, Shawn lent me five bucks, and I never paid him back. That's why he doesn't have the money."**

" **Oh, so you're the deadbeat."**

" **Yeah, but, uh, I've got it now, so here it is. Just make sure you put Shawn's name on the card, ok?"**

" **Don't worry. His name, however, will have to be last since he was the last one to pay."**

" **Gee, Minkus, I wonder whose name is first on the list? Does it rhyme with Stinkus?"**

**...**

" **I hope our reading** _ **A Christmas Carol**_ **has interested all of you in reading other works by Charles Dickens," Feeny said to his class.**

**Cory raised his hand. "No, but I will watch the David Copperfield special."**

**Stuart was called on after raising his hand. "In my capacity as class treasurer, I would like to present you with the sixth grader's Christmas gift."**

" **Oh, my. Well…Ooh, it has the lovely heft of a thick book. Oh, my! A dictionary. How wonderful." He read the card, "'To our admired and respected teacher, from his dutiful and attentive class.'"**

" **I wrote that," Stuart told his teacher.**

" **I never would've guessed."**

" **And all our names are written below."**

" **Yes. Minkus all the way down to...Hunter. You all seem to be there. Well, I am very touched. This means a great deal to me. So thank you very much." Shawn appeared slightly confused when his last name was said.**

**After the bell rang Shawn stopped Stuart in the hallway. "Hey, Minkus. Thanks for putting my name on the card."**

Stuart sighed before telling Shawn, "Looking back, I do feel bad that I pressured you so much. If I would have known…"

"It's all good. No hard feelings." Shawn gave a small grin.

" **Don't thank me. Your deadbeat friend finally paid back the money he owed you."**

" **What?"**

" **It's ok. You don't have to cover for him anymore. He told me how you let him five dollars, and he didn't give it back."**

Cory was slightly taken aback. "He actually revealed what I did? All this time I thought you just realized I was trying to make you feel better and forgave me."

" **Cory told you that?"**

" **Yep, and he handed me five bucks."**

" **He gave you his five dollars?"**

" **I guess his conscience finally got the better of him."**

" **Hey, Minkus. Merry Christmas."**

" **Really? Merry Christmas to you too."**

…

**Cory was glumly moving his basketball around.**

" **Hey," Shawn said in a monotone voice.**

" **Hey."**

" **You know, I was cleaning up my garage, and I found something you might like."**

" **A net!"**

" **It belonged to my dad. It's real old so it might not be genuine imitation nylon."**

"I think genuine and imitation are oxymorons," Rachel said.

" **Whoa, if it's that old, it could be actually nylon!"**

" **It's yours."**

" **Cool. Thanks."**

" **Figure this way, you got the net and I got the ball."**

" **What ball?"**

" **You gave that to me."**

" **I think I remember you throwing this back in my face."**

Maya tilted her head. "In your face is a bit dramatic, isn't it?"

" **Oh, so every time you miss a pass, we're not gonna be friends?"**

"Based on how he used to play with me, you guys would constantly be breaking off your friendship," Eric joked. He received a light nudge in the ribs from Cory.

" **You want this ball, well then you're just gonna have to take it from me, aren't you?"**

**They started dribbling the ball. Shawn swiftly took the ball from him, to which Cory said, "Nice try."**

" **Think you can steal it from me?"**

" **Yeah." Cory took the ball. "Hey, I did it."**

" **Nah. I let you have it. It was charity." Cory gave Shawn a look of uneasiness before Shawn added, "It's Christmas."**

…

**Shawn and Cory entered the living room, still playing ball. Alan glanced at them, "You guys are playing with that so much, I'm afraid you're gonna wear a hole in it.'**

" **Who cares it's his ball?" Cory asked.**

**Shawn left with cookies that Amy and Morgan made. A knock was afterward heard on the kitchen door. Alan looked at the door, and said, "Oh, um, wow, somebody's at the back door."**

" **Wow, I wonder who that could be at the back door," Amy added.**

" **I have no clue," Eric continued.**

Maya covered her hand with her mouth as she chuckled. "You guys are some great actors, only second to my mom."

"And why would that be funny?" Katy questioned in an intimidating voice that only a mother could do.

"Uh, no reason…"

**The three Matthews stared at him. He whispered, "I forgot my line." Alan whispered something back to him. "Oh, yeah! Maybe Morgan should go get the back door."**

**This time, somebody pounded on the door. Morgan shook her head no. "I'm not answering any more doors."**

" **Well, I think you're going to want to answer this one," Amy told her.**

**Morgan pointed at the window on the door. "It's Santa! Look, everybody, he's alive!"**

Riley started, "Is that…"

" **Hello, Morgan," greeted George Feeny in a Santa costume. "I am Santa and I've just returned from the North Pole, where I was just resting."**

Turner's mouth hung open before finishing Riley's sentence, "...George!"

" **Santa, are you feeling better?"**

" **Oh, yes, my dear, as it turns out, Mrs. Claus merely undercooked my Figgy pudding."**

Jonathan shook his head in awe. "This is the most glorious thing I've ever seen."

"Oh, haha. I was trying to make a child feel better."

" **I'm going to get my camera," Amy announced.**

" **Well, now, my little Morgan, tell Santa what you want for Christmas."**

**Cory suggested, "Good grades for your big brother."**

" **Ho ho ho," Feeny responded, annoyed.**

**The family and Santa Feeny gathered to take a picture. Morgan asked, "Mommy, why does Santa look like Mr. Feeny?" The picture was then snapped.**

"I'm so mad you let me leave before that," Shawn told Amy before bursting into laughter, along with the rest of the audience.

"Ok. It's a little funny," Feeny admitted, putting on a smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I'm sorry. It's been way too long since my last update. (And I'm not even a fan of this chapter. I wish I could give you a better one after so long.) I have two main reasons. One, I didn't have any motivation to write for this. Which, I know, is not a good enough excuse. The second reason is that my dad was in the hospital for COVID-19. He had underlying conditions that we didn't even know about, so it was really bad and concerning. I think you can see why updating wouldn't be my top priority. Luckily, he's out of the hospital and doing much better. Please, stay safe out there and take proper precautions. Especially if you have or know somebody who has underlying conditions.
> 
> On a much lighter note, I got a cat! His name is Pumpkin. (https://weheartit.com/entry/349840493?context_type=user&context_username=lovelylehanna) He was a stray that showed up at my house, following my dad around and begging for food. We decided to keep him, and he's just the cutest!
> 
> Next Chapter: Once In Love With Amy


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